Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I didn't know the effect would be this big... too much to even imaginehaving nothing, needed no one, I went through the whole circle personally and yes I admit I am a different person inwardly. Now I know you can shape the emotions like how a clay would have a strong shape when force is place. No one forsees such a dayI stand amazed at this word LOVE. How a Abba father would love His child that much. Chasten. I am moved. At same time, this word Love recalled back past memories that should be ease. How love would turned around and become a feeling undesirable. I walked back home from work, random feelings stirring deep but my mind was blank like a paper...aggitated. unsatified. frustrated. upset. anger. lost. just to name a few... my heart was still like water yet strong feelings were battling within. It aren't the 1st time. I tried the best I know how... the heart wants it so but weak is the will. I don't bear to.. really don't. I didn't know it would affect me this much, really. I miss you so, my lord.giving in. not surrendering. Not moving doesn't mean giving up. Agony. Silence. Teeth biting, hand fisting to going on. OH MY! WHY... I want to fight no more, struggle no more... let it go, let me go.. I want nothing... I need nothing..
an-gel wished upon the stars at 10:09 PM
