Thursday, October 29, 2009

Blue Mansion
1st up yesterday. Blue Mansion.. haiz! The storyline was. . not that bad. Talked about ths pineapple king who died and the reactions from their children etc.. Saw the director pior to the show. BUT the best was the super nice seat and blanket served at GV Gold Class! Doubt many knew the seat could be tited (jus like OTO/OSIM chair) and there's even a table with a button to call for service. No the price of a ticket cost less than $30 for sure (cos i checked) eh.. got served with wine (white), popcorn and plate of nachos and tali.. woo the cheese was nice-nice! I seriously think I was the only one who's seat was tited like as if im lying on bed =)

well.. im nice by sharing the good thing with ppl. But too bad JW and Raq couldn't make it =( They were nice and passed it to others. I was quite shocked when I saw Ivan and xiuzhen inside the cinema cos I forgotten that JW couldn't make it. Thanks Lush 995 and GV for the treat! Nice experience indeed.

O how can I forget you! Thanks 'new friend' for that nice 'lobang'. eh you not new anymore yea? without you, I no show to watch liao, what's more to share to others. You.. late for movie but nevertheless nice to see [S] and you outside the show =) eh wher [jol] btw? [only saw ya when going out.. inside too dark!]

so.. yep 5 of us occupied the cinema.. (nt counting JW & Raq tic) Nice seating and service. But am felt horrible after the show ='( I puked thrice...

Monday, September 07, 2009

Let it go...

it's been so long since I last blogged. Partly was because too busy, main reason is that I do not know what to update. Life's still good; hope it's the same for you guys who read my blog

True, something did happen and turned my life upside down for a season. Made a decision that sort-of shocked few people. My reputation was ruined, many came question-ing me without knowing anything. Then followed by some drama-kind of incident that made me couldn't attend Bible Conference back then. It of no wonder I teared much during that conference, it's a lil' too much for me to bear and handled. This whole series of incident, swept me off completely, whether is it mentally, emotionally.. even spiritually

Remember when I was much younger, teachers, friends and church elders often gave me some 'pass-it-on' cards with messages written behind. Very often, those messages carried the same meaning, though with different verses. I got very puzzled, don't understand what they want to tells me. I was only 13 back then. Often I went to them with lots of questions. They looked at me, said nothing and pat my head. Some would gave me a hug instead. I was just a teen, what do I know? They took me out after school hours, understood my silent. As I grew older, more things came. Friends stood by, lend a shoulder for my tired soul and told me to be strong. Yes, the adults said I was strong when I was a just a teen. I don't understand what they meant by that

Then more and more thing added.. someone told me a story about bus-stop.. Regardless who's that person, whether friends, relationships, relatives, siblings or parents, they too will leave one day. I'm 24 this year. Seen quite a few broke-ups in friends' relationship, attended a few funeral before.. Most didn't affect me much except a friend's mum passed away. .

People been coming up to me, asking would I regret for my decision one day. Someone even asked would I tell the truth if CI506 progress.. Yes I said. Maybe I sounded cruel and yes they do know I had to. End of the day, it's hard to reveal what's within when it comes to the heart's matter. Last Sunday I got an update of things. I had mixed feeling after hearing it. What should my respond be when hearing someone I missed and love don't seem to do well and is showing 'signs' of 'leaving'? I heard they said, "well she's old already.." I know.. still this heart of mine aren't prepare for such day to come

Let it go.. so that you can move on. just.. let go..

Day by day, I'm telling myself to let things go, that this too will passed. I have changed. So much so that I struggled within. No Worries. I am still fine. Thank you for your concern.. whose who called, who msn me previously asking how was I.

At this point in life, though there are many ups and downs, I am feeling glad and contend. It's because at least I have a God who understood how I felt and what I went through all these months. Though I still do not have the answers I asked, He's is the only one who saw me through this darkest period in my life. Have you seen Him cried before? I did.

"... be of good cheer... my child"

after thanking the 'elders' who stood by me, i guess I've yet to send out my utmost gratitude to you. without you by my side, I wouldn't have make it this far. They say I am strong but they didn't see the arrows that fly through the heart day & nites. They saw how I fought but didn't know the warrior came home full of blood crying. All these years, you held my hands and taught me how to fight. You guarded my heart with your love, else I would have been dead long ago. You walked with me and gave me the principles of life. I vividly remembered there's a year you didn't speak a word but just embraced me in your arms. Was it because.. you had long foresee such a day to come? I am sorry, my love, that I bought much tears to your eyes. I know it hurts you just like it's hurting me. I know I am not really the lil' gal whom you saw years back. I have grown. I left.. you knew it wasn't easy. You knew and you saw every scene.. how the bus-stop story came to play. How a simple dream broken right in-front of our eyes. Thank you for giving me the courage to move on, the strength to keep fighting, your love to sustain my life. All in all, thank you for exchanging yourself to have me by your side. I saw how you fought for me, my life and rights. Thank You for allowing me to be part of your family. For all these years you had done and still doing.. Abba, thank you..

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

no... it's still down. just happen to be online, so came here to drop down some words

had a long nite yesterday. from south -> NE line -> town.. just to pass something & find what's wrong with the notebookss. Yes 2 of them are down and feel so handicap indeed.

CI506 + Conf soon to end on friday but it's also means another beginning. Today Tuesday and yes did feel great sense of fear - reasonable fear. So much so that i didn't want to go anywhere else. I jumped up when my hp rang, wondering whois that unfamiliar numbers. Yep i rarely reply calls/sms due to massive incoming calls both from impt n non impt reasons. and it can rang till midnite.. my apologise to those who tried to reach me but fail. esp to von. guess i missed her grad day. and yes i missed [pris] bdae celebration too..(well as least she knows whats wrong..) yes it's that massive that my friend had to email me instead.

yep recently been quite frustrated. no am not having a great time enjoying the past holidays and weekends. before i forget. a lil' too late thou.. happy belated to JO. yea i did remembered

friday... am praying hoping and wishing it will be short n nice one. am so prepare to hide behind should there be any movement... i hope i can leave 1st.. sure IO understands and am pray it will be that way... *side track* y at any hour i called, you are at office.. seems like u sold your life fully to work* think u understand way better than that young-but-no-sense-of-brain XX

k.. this is so random if you dont have any info at hand. say a lil pray if you would. that my heavenly frends angels will guard me well.. tx

"The worst part of going through a trial is not understanding why the trial is occurring, or what the purpose of the trial is. You can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. You don’t even know where you are going. There will always be periods when you feel like you are wandering through life aimlessly. You are unable to grasp any sense of the direction you are heading. In those moments when you can’t fully comprehend everything that is going on in your life, just cling tightly to Jesus." - www.konghee.com

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Either Step A or B. Since it's just a matter of time, I decided to take the chance. Hence activated next step.

It happened suddenly. No pre-warnings or any signals. Very trama-drama kind of situation. No one else was there and was caught in the middle of no where. was on the phone in the midst of the 'volcano' without knowing how danger it was till 'they' came in. Ended the call; communicated through the barriers and when they came in, I didn't expect it to be that serious. Between them, just 5cm away from that 'it', hearing and witnessing everything. I wish I could run to else where but it was too small an area for me to even hide. I saw the expressions of their faces; I heard the loud sounds and yes I saw what they did. As much as I wish not to, i knew they had to. I stood there silently feeling broken within. My mind went blank once again.

Soon the others joined in. Subsequently I saw more and more unfamiliar faces. I got called by someone and stood there since then. Some times I would heard voices but no clue to what's going on inside. Then I knew some of them were about to head back. I refused to even take a peek and held my breath for secs. Words can't explain how broken I was at that moment yet I got to act up a strong front. Waited and here came they.. he told me something and that shocked me for a while. I asked is the ball on my court. But apparently even if it is, it won't be of much help.

They all left, I was left alone. Can't help but to reproached myself a little. If time were to turn back, would I still do the same? Do I have a choice? Doing this is 'worng', doing that is also 'wrong'. I wondered just what should be the way. I didn't know it would be this serious, honestly. Everyone who knew said it wasn't my fault. What's done had been done. I know I will never have a win-win situation

Thank goodness ding searched the numbers for me.. no com with me, I did felt handicap. I didn't know work was still in progress. I thought I need not go there but late at night; OI called me through his hp. Went over feeling pretty terrified. Had a short talk and he needed to rush off. Thankfully I did not faint or did wobby legs give ways. I made my way back safely and still had a lil energy to get myself a 'brunch cum dinner' small meal at the wee hours. I thought I could have a short nap... there goes the phone ringing at 0854 and then all the way till evening..

Now is Saturday. That scene still lingers inside my mind. Like MDC is filming a show in front of me. Hey wait! This time, is real. Real person, real it.. it aren't a dream. Real Life, dear angela..

Saturday, April 11, 2009

If I am granted to do anything, I really wish to have a get away to a far away country, alone exploring the town and glazing the star at a different sky. Of cos I am not talking about JB Mysia.

Someone been giving people the wrong perception of me. Those who knew the story knows it's not true but to those who heard one-sided story... they really thought I had changed and become an evil person. Coming to this state, I really don't care a hook at how others think of me because they do not get the whole picture. If being the always submissive and obey blindly regardless to any damaged made is an angel, I rather be the evil they name me as. Lose one and losing ten, of cos the impact is different but still losing. I am alright if the number wants to increase. Really.

Adam Khoo once taught me this. Crumpled a $50 and had many stepped on it. Still it's a $50. Despite been dirtied, stepped and crumpled like rubbish, it did not lose it's value. Even a note is torn apart, as long as the numbers are there, you can exchange it with the banks. I am not saying it's perfectly alright to give others the wrong perception of someone else just to have your motive done. What I want to say is this, as long as I am still living on earth, still breathing, no matter how others crumple, the value that's given and build won't be lost overnight. But one thing for sure, to the one who try to lower the value will his/her value drops greatly. When the truth is spilled out, it's not my foot you are stepping but yours

I am fine that you continue to tell others how not caring and thoughtful I am, how unloving I have become. It's not the words that counts but the deeds. You try all ways just to let others see how pitiful you are and paint me like a demon to others. You know things by your head. You think just for yourself. Don't need to prove to anyone, I know myself by heart, what kind of person am I and my deed reflects who I am within.

I won't argue or explain things. I will just simply walk away. I am not what you say thats counts. At the end of day, I am not the one who lose out. Wise people don't just plainly talks, they thinks with their minds.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

wow! that's the 1st word i had. Not amazed, not stun but truly brings back tons and tons of memories...

I suddenly remembered...

Adam Khoo - how he taught me to mind map and how I struggled to find papers cause my map was always way bigger than the mahjong paper

xxx - how I was taught to break up those words like 'lay-go', studied the individual meaning and then put them back again after having 'deeper' understanding of that sentence (xxx is to 'protect' the person =p)

Angela - duh* myself.. how I innocently kept 'bubble-link' asked questions about anything and everything till the people go 'huh' cause my quest thirst never seems to die down!

of cos still have many more... looking at it, wow! I think that's one great way to gain better understanding of the words, not just verses or famous parables, but word by word till your whole being understand it =)

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

• what you Profile, Honor & Celebrate is what you're gonna get
• Delegation is the Key to growth
• The best way to learn is to place yourself in the position to be Corrected
• The only thing that prevents you from seizing the moment is the Lack of Courage

God knows why I enjoy his lessons. If there' a quest about who's my fav oversea pst, it would be him without doubt. His books are really great; making good readers gaga-ing. I really don't mind spending hours seating there listening what he has to say =)

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