Journey..

2009-10-29T17:21:00.002+08:00

Blue Mansion
1st up yesterday. Blue Mansion.. haiz! The storyline was. . not that bad. Talked about ths pineapple king who died and the reactions from their children etc.. Saw the director pior to the show. BUT the best was the super nice seat and blanket served at GV Gold Class! Doubt many knew the seat could be tited (jus like OTO/OSIM chair) and there's even a table with a button to call for service. No the price of a ticket cost less than $30 for sure (cos i checked) eh.. got served with wine (white), popcorn and plate of nachos and tali.. woo the cheese was nice-nice! I seriously think I was the only one who's seat was tited like as if im lying on bed =)

well.. im nice by sharing the good thing with ppl. But too bad JW and Raq couldn't make it =( They were nice and passed it to others. I was quite shocked when I saw Ivan and xiuzhen inside the cinema cos I forgotten that JW couldn't make it. Thanks Lush 995 and GV for the treat! Nice experience indeed.

O how can I forget you! Thanks 'new friend' for that nice 'lobang'. eh you not new anymore yea? without you, I no show to watch liao, what's more to share to others. You.. late for movie but nevertheless nice to see [S] and you outside the show =) eh wher [jol] btw? [only saw ya when going out.. inside too dark!]

so.. yep 5 of us occupied the cinema.. (nt counting JW & Raq tic) Nice seating and service. But am felt horrible after the show ='( I puked thrice...

2009-09-07T20:18:00.001+08:00

Let it go...

it's been so long since I last blogged. Partly was because too busy, main reason is that I do not know what to update. Life's still good; hope it's the same for you guys who read my blog

True, something did happen and turned my life upside down for a season. Made a decision that sort-of shocked few people. My reputation was ruined, many came question-ing me without knowing anything. Then followed by some drama-kind of incident that made me couldn't attend Bible Conference back then. It of no wonder I teared much during that conference, it's a lil' too much for me to bear and handled. This whole series of incident, swept me off completely, whether is it mentally, emotionally.. even spiritually

Remember when I was much younger, teachers, friends and church elders often gave me some 'pass-it-on' cards with messages written behind. Very often, those messages carried the same meaning, though with different verses. I got very puzzled, don't understand what they want to tells me. I was only 13 back then. Often I went to them with lots of questions. They looked at me, said nothing and pat my head. Some would gave me a hug instead. I was just a teen, what do I know? They took me out after school hours, understood my silent. As I grew older, more things came. Friends stood by, lend a shoulder for my tired soul and told me to be strong. Yes, the adults said I was strong when I was a just a teen. I don't understand what they meant by that

Then more and more thing added.. someone told me a story about bus-stop.. Regardless who's that person, whether friends, relationships, relatives, siblings or parents, they too will leave one day. I'm 24 this year. Seen quite a few broke-ups in friends' relationship, attended a few funeral before.. Most didn't affect me much except a friend's mum passed away. .

People been coming up to me, asking would I regret for my decision one day. Someone even asked would I tell the truth if CI506 progress.. Yes I said. Maybe I sounded cruel and yes they do know I had to. End of the day, it's hard to reveal what's within when it comes to the heart's matter. Last Sunday I got an update of things. I had mixed feeling after hearing it. What should my respond be when hearing someone I missed and love don't seem to do well and is showing 'signs' of 'leaving'? I heard they said, "well she's old already.." I know.. still this heart of mine aren't prepare for such day to come

Let it go.. so that you can move on. just.. let go..

Day by day, I'm telling myself to let things go, that this too will passed. I have changed. So much so that I struggled within. No Worries. I am still fine. Thank you for your concern.. whose who called, who msn me previously asking how was I.

At this point in life, though there are many ups and downs, I am feeling glad and contend. It's because at least I have a God who understood how I felt and what I went through all these months. Though I still do not have the answers I asked, He's is the only one who saw me through this darkest period in my life. Have you seen Him cried before? I did.

"... be of good cheer... my child"

after thanking the 'elders' who stood by me, i guess I've yet to send out my utmost gratitude to you. without you by my side, I wouldn't have make it this far. They say I am strong but they didn't see the arrows that fly through the heart day & nites. They saw how I fought but didn't know the warrior came home full of blood crying. All these years, you held my hands and taught me how to fight. You guarded my heart with your love, else I would have been dead long ago. You walked with me and gave me the principles of life. I vividly remembered there's a year you didn't speak a word but just embraced me in your arms. Was it because.. you had long foresee such a day to come? I am sorry, my love, that I bought much tears to your eyes. I know it hurts you just like it's hurting me. I know I am not really the lil' gal whom you saw years back. I have grown. I left.. you knew it wasn't easy. You knew and you saw every scene.. how the bus-stop story came to play. How a simple dream broken right in-front of our eyes. Thank you for giving me the courage to move on, the strength to keep fighting, your love to sustain my life. All in all, thank you for exchanging yourself to have me by your side. I saw how you fought for me, my life and rights. Thank You for allowing me to be part of your family. For all these years you had done and still doing.. Abba, thank you..

2009-05-12T06:00:00.000+08:00

no... it's still down. just happen to be online, so came here to drop down some words

had a long nite yesterday. from south -> NE line -> town.. just to pass something & find what's wrong with the notebookss. Yes 2 of them are down and feel so handicap indeed.

CI506 + Conf soon to end on friday but it's also means another beginning. Today Tuesday and yes did feel great sense of fear - reasonable fear. So much so that i didn't want to go anywhere else. I jumped up when my hp rang, wondering whois that unfamiliar numbers. Yep i rarely reply calls/sms due to massive incoming calls both from impt n non impt reasons. and it can rang till midnite.. my apologise to those who tried to reach me but fail. esp to von. guess i missed her grad day. and yes i missed [pris] bdae celebration too..(well as least she knows whats wrong..) yes it's that massive that my friend had to email me instead.

yep recently been quite frustrated. no am not having a great time enjoying the past holidays and weekends. before i forget. a lil' too late thou.. happy belated to JO. yea i did remembered

friday... am praying hoping and wishing it will be short n nice one. am so prepare to hide behind should there be any movement... i hope i can leave 1st.. sure IO understands and am pray it will be that way... *side track* y at any hour i called, you are at office.. seems like u sold your life fully to work* think u understand way better than that young-but-no-sense-of-brain XX

k.. this is so random if you dont have any info at hand. say a lil pray if you would. that my heavenly frends angels will guard me well.. tx

"The worst part of going through a trial is not understanding why the trial is occurring, or what the purpose of the trial is. You can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. You don’t even know where you are going. There will always be periods when you feel like you are wandering through life aimlessly. You are unable to grasp any sense of the direction you are heading. In those moments when you can’t fully comprehend everything that is going on in your life, just cling tightly to Jesus." - www.konghee.com

2009-05-02T00:18:00.002+08:00

Either Step A or B. Since it's just a matter of time, I decided to take the chance. Hence activated next step.

It happened suddenly. No pre-warnings or any signals. Very trama-drama kind of situation. No one else was there and was caught in the middle of no where. was on the phone in the midst of the 'volcano' without knowing how danger it was till 'they' came in. Ended the call; communicated through the barriers and when they came in, I didn't expect it to be that serious. Between them, just 5cm away from that 'it', hearing and witnessing everything. I wish I could run to else where but it was too small an area for me to even hide. I saw the expressions of their faces; I heard the loud sounds and yes I saw what they did. As much as I wish not to, i knew they had to. I stood there silently feeling broken within. My mind went blank once again.

Soon the others joined in. Subsequently I saw more and more unfamiliar faces. I got called by someone and stood there since then. Some times I would heard voices but no clue to what's going on inside. Then I knew some of them were about to head back. I refused to even take a peek and held my breath for secs. Words can't explain how broken I was at that moment yet I got to act up a strong front. Waited and here came they.. he told me something and that shocked me for a while. I asked is the ball on my court. But apparently even if it is, it won't be of much help.

They all left, I was left alone. Can't help but to reproached myself a little. If time were to turn back, would I still do the same? Do I have a choice? Doing this is 'worng', doing that is also 'wrong'. I wondered just what should be the way. I didn't know it would be this serious, honestly. Everyone who knew said it wasn't my fault. What's done had been done. I know I will never have a win-win situation

Thank goodness ding searched the numbers for me.. no com with me, I did felt handicap. I didn't know work was still in progress. I thought I need not go there but late at night; OI called me through his hp. Went over feeling pretty terrified. Had a short talk and he needed to rush off. Thankfully I did not faint or did wobby legs give ways. I made my way back safely and still had a lil energy to get myself a 'brunch cum dinner' small meal at the wee hours. I thought I could have a short nap... there goes the phone ringing at 0854 and then all the way till evening..

Now is Saturday. That scene still lingers inside my mind. Like MDC is filming a show in front of me. Hey wait! This time, is real. Real person, real it.. it aren't a dream. Real Life, dear angela..

2009-04-11T18:46:00.001+08:00

THE CROSS

The cross, oh the cross

It was the death of our Lord

But to many others it was a minor loss

“He was a great teacher,

No, wait a preacher,”

But all in all he is very much greater.

But as brothers and sisters

Followers of Christ

We know so well that day

He paid a heavy price

The death of Jesus was very major

All of us would learn much later

That Jesus died to set us free

So off with the chains which we were once bound

For God’s love for us was always around

Wait, let me take that back

For something in my sentence lack

The love of God was always around

Is always around and will always be around

A hefty price there was to pay

So the life of Jesus God chose to lay

God has planned a great life for me and you
Don’t you want to share it too?

2009-04-11T18:44:00.001+08:00

If I am granted to do anything, I really wish to have a get away to a far away country, alone exploring the town and glazing the star at a different sky. Of cos I am not talking about JB Mysia.

Someone been giving people the wrong perception of me. Those who knew the story knows it's not true but to those who heard one-sided story... they really thought I had changed and become an evil person. Coming to this state, I really don't care a hook at how others think of me because they do not get the whole picture. If being the always submissive and obey blindly regardless to any damaged made is an angel, I rather be the evil they name me as. Lose one and losing ten, of cos the impact is different but still losing. I am alright if the number wants to increase. Really.

Adam Khoo once taught me this. Crumpled a $50 and had many stepped on it. Still it's a $50. Despite been dirtied, stepped and crumpled like rubbish, it did not lose it's value. Even a note is torn apart, as long as the numbers are there, you can exchange it with the banks. I am not saying it's perfectly alright to give others the wrong perception of someone else just to have your motive done. What I want to say is this, as long as I am still living on earth, still breathing, no matter how others crumple, the value that's given and build won't be lost overnight. But one thing for sure, to the one who try to lower the value will his/her value drops greatly. When the truth is spilled out, it's not my foot you are stepping but yours

I am fine that you continue to tell others how not caring and thoughtful I am, how unloving I have become. It's not the words that counts but the deeds. You try all ways just to let others see how pitiful you are and paint me like a demon to others. You know things by your head. You think just for yourself. Don't need to prove to anyone, I know myself by heart, what kind of person am I and my deed reflects who I am within.

I won't argue or explain things. I will just simply walk away. I am not what you say thats counts. At the end of day, I am not the one who lose out. Wise people don't just plainly talks, they thinks with their minds.

2009-04-01T21:16:00.003+08:00

wow! that's the 1st word i had. Not amazed, not stun but truly brings back tons and tons of memories...

I suddenly remembered...

Adam Khoo - how he taught me to mind map and how I struggled to find papers cause my map was always way bigger than the mahjong paper

xxx - how I was taught to break up those words like 'lay-go', studied the individual meaning and then put them back again after having 'deeper' understanding of that sentence (xxx is to 'protect' the person =p)

Angela - duh* myself.. how I innocently kept 'bubble-link' asked questions about anything and everything till the people go 'huh' cause my quest thirst never seems to die down!

of cos still have many more... looking at it, wow! I think that's one great way to gain better understanding of the words, not just verses or famous parables, but word by word till your whole being understand it =)

2009-03-31T14:34:00.004+08:00

I n s p i r e d

SOT 2009 kicked start yesterday with Rev Phil Pringle!! WOW~

He is just super duper sooo awesome. Someone who shared many stuffs about leadership

Yeah he's the man one would inspired to follow, learn from

his lessons not that hard for me to digest; basic yet imperative to apply in life

what you Profile, Honor & Celebrate is what you're gonna get
Delegation is the Key to growth
The best way to learn is to place yourself in the position to be Corrected
The only thing that prevents you from seizing the moment is the Lack of Courage

God knows why I enjoy his lessons. If there' a quest about who's my fav oversea pst, it would be him without doubt. His books are really great; making good readers gaga-ing. I really don't mind spending hours seating there listening what he has to say =)

alritz lunchie' over.. buoybuoy~

2009-03-21T20:27:00.001+08:00

Randomism III

was on the way back; just board the bus. Packed and suddenly came a lil' boy' cry. Mummy was carrying him in her arms looking pretty anxious while the uncles; aunties moved to the back. All the folks may it be standing or seating just watched as the boy wailed. Took my bag and gave them my seat. Stood beside, I saw the boy knee caps were red and face were swollen. What a bad fall, thankfully no bleeding. Suddenly I remembered I had wet tissue. Dig and dig and passed it to the mummy; hopefully would help to ease the pain. He was a strong boy. He stop wailing and reminded mummy to put some medic on him when home. He' about 6 'old. Glad he felt better having a wet tissue on his face. And I left with a lighten heart knowing he' alright

irony.. received two emails and one had a statement that goes like this, "hope for the best and prepare for the worse.." it makes me feel like being torn apart, having two extreme. How to hope for the best when at the same time preparing for the worse? Why hope then in the 1st place, I wondered. " trust ur faith as faith is the force of life and knows no disappointment. Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow. It only takes away the strength of today. If u trust in God, God will catch ur eye, by and by."

seat on the bus and suddenly though of someone. Look at the window, the cars passed by; my heart wondered how's this friend.. did thought of continue what we left through emails... but the thought of friend, i perished that thought again. it has always been there

glad I made it to church. Seat beside a ol' friend made it more enjoyable for me. I found out something, very real and the truth. I understand something precious; that has been deep inside all these while. like the song that goes along.. " i didn't know... I was missing you.."

2009-03-10T23:52:00.005+08:00

are you stressed busy buried by assisgments after assisgments? yes.. dun walk here n there!!
or are you mugging hard for the up coming UOL papers? oBvious yea..
is the facebook parazzi giving you tons of "Arg.. back off"?? LOL.. YES U!

freak not! you aren't alone!Your sincerely here faced stressed and can understand how you feel.
anyway thanks for the concern and asking. You know who you are.. on msn de. XieXie

Okay here's for you! It's cute and duper funny lar.. ok to me it is. it helps me smile and laugh a bit. Delicate it to you guys.. gambatte wor! Hope it helps you detress and put a smile on your face =) *ask me on msn for the link.. here cannot post video liao =(

2009-03-10T23:17:00.003+08:00

Randomism II

Okay before it's prounced dusty, here I am! To clean the air =)

Random.. hmm..

alritez.. I just got 'bluff' by the SBS website. Was supposed to go to a place. So I went to check out the route. I took a total of THREE buses just to get there. And it's time to go back. So I went to the opposite bus stop and lo and behold.. I realised I only need to take TWO buses!! ><

Had a bad dream the other day. Weird and unexplained -able. Well it was after a heavy pour and on the way for lunch.. someone slip and literally.. roll down the stairs! Tried hard to hold the person's hand but failed. This person actually stop at certain point of stair.. then dunno why, slip down again! Luckily it aren't the last portion of the stair which may roll down to the road. just the arm got bruise.. Still I felt so bad about it..

my 'big book' a.k.a. bible have finally mirgrate with me! It has been away for like.... a month? It's good to have it by my side now

went to pet safari.. nice place! went with blur mind BUT happy face when out. The people were friendly and got to view those cute doggies. Some were crying while having their nails cut.. saw some cute baby hamsters too. Told you doggies would brighten up days yea? =)

last day last month I went in to Pacific Cafe just an hour plus before they were about to close and I ordered... TWENTY take away drinks. Felt so apologetic towards the manager but she had such nice attitude telling me it's okay. Well she can't scold me anyway; cos those were from the Boss! And I didn't know they do not have big bag.. I got to carry like.. 8 bags? wow heavy to the max!!

I sheltered an uncle cos it raining.. i just didn't want to see him got drenched and since I am not rushing for time, why not? I offered my help and got to realise he injured his leg while driving his taxi. I sheltered him to he got in to the driver seat and he thanked me. Felt really happy. Just a simple act of kindness. woolah! It really made my day =)

2009-02-21T02:38:00.002+08:00

Randomism...

Words flying.. thoughts flooding around.. heard things like.. i had backsilded luh; i very free ar; i this and that ar.. and some even came out with reasons that didn't even cross my mind kind and blah blah blah etc. I felt funny at how some came out those words and reasons when they hardly know nuts. I am bewildered when i knew all these. I was once very bothered about this; that how people got misunderstood/accused me cause' to me, i want the facts to get right and yes i felt it did me in-justice. i may felt unhappy inside the heart for a moment.. After years of experiencing this world, i have develop that attitude.. if that's what you guys want to think that way or assume it to be, then let it be that way ba. I see no point in trying to justified the truth any more. what for waste my energy on that. I don't need to know what you think, thought, how much you don't care etc. People tends to want to know how much you truly cares. Period.

guess i understand why some like to stand under the rain. i think it's very cool. And don't know since when I fall in love in walking. I can walked to Raffles in the morning then walk back during evening.. walked to spore river all the way to vivo.. then from there walked to else where. walking does one good i guess. i just love to do that together with my mp3 and i don't mind long bus rides too (okay provided i have the time luh) Most probably it got to do with the 'habit' of reflective ba.. aiya things are always so complicated, so analyzed i guess.

the power of emotions. i realised this. When it's time to cry; like some bad incident happened, others might wailed but i'm felt okay. What others felt danger for me, i think it's alright. when i was suppose to be feeling anxious, my heart's calm and mind's blank. hurhur! I must be one of the weirdo on earth. Nah. I guess that's what happen when you been through one after another one events ba. haha transform into a bin/store - whatever throw in just park them aside! haha!! Then once in a while, do a bit of littering. hee*

i could re-read my theology book, reflect elders' life theo and still find that its totally different thing to do what the mouth says. All the deep theologies sometimes can't be applied, i mean not to all things luh. But i do believe in you reap what you sow. If one sow something bad yet reap goodness, then i would say it's grace bestowed. But grace aren't cheap and should be taken for granted.

one should be responsible for 'its' actions. even if not, surely will have to bear the consequences in future de. confirm-grantee-chop-plus stamp!! =p said liao - Randomism =)

2009-02-12T23:21:00.007+08:00

hello! this is my four - fingers buddy - mr. happy

he's currently staying at my place and since he is blessed to have a cute face, I asked him for a favour..

here's mr. happy gonna stay here for a while jus to

wish you readers an adv happy Valentine day =)

alrite, time to tug mr. happy to bed already..

if u gonna meet mr. happy or say hi, he probably

tmr would be hopping ard town!

2009-02-12T22:46:00.001+08:00

it's been pretty quite a long-long while since I felt this way.. o well really hope it arent' too late to even mention things here... perhaps words really wouldn't express or can it explain why and how I feel all these while..

here's a post going out to someone really specially in my heart. she's the 1st i met.. bought me to my seat.. and really cares for the people around us. Though she's younger but I always feel blessed to know and have her around. I was new but never felt afraid of getting lost cos she's around. I had joy and laughters with her.. days of ups and downs.. she's just like any other girl some may say but somehow she 'stood' out among others' i know

she's none other than Kristy Ng

hey gal i knew abt what happened and how i wish i can give u a hug and tell u i care. i pray that Daddy God will see you thru these days and bring angels around to lighten your days. I regret not meeting you before you left and now you are alreadi at aussie.. take care and have fun exploring while mugging for studies. i kne it sound weird cos we kinda lost contact for long but know this that you are always a special fren i kne in chc! miss u so much..

agape,

angela

2009-02-06T23:06:00.005+08:00

under such nice night-sky

sets my heart thinking

how sweet it is to have Him

like a lover soul mate

He walks with me under the lights

i can talk to him round the clock at any time

moments of joy achievements

i thought and share with him solely

when fear anxiety knocks he literally carried me through

listen when my rubbish bin's full

hearing me singing songs of young

he finds my childishness sweet

sure ours is like a love-hate relationship

yelling to him question anything and everything that happened

yet he always brace me thru by his love

he risk it all to protect me from harm

come to think of it what would i be if without him by my side

grace bestowed grace I'll remember always

be comfort knowing that i am being watch above

yes let me be a comfort in the times to come

2009-02-05T22:48:00.000+08:00

my immune system lost the week long fight against the @#%$! virus resulting in a sore throat, running nose and am had fever for 5 continuous days! And I think while my sore throat is getting better, I am starting to develop dry cough esp at night. Drinking that whole blacky yucky syrup doesn't help at all. I felt like a TD patient coughing my lungs out at night ='(

I can't belive it. I hardly touched the new year goodies. hey I could even remembered what I ate and count the amount. I fee like I should have just gobbled them ALL down to make this resultant fever a little more worth while..

anyhows.. happy adv birthday quan =)

2009-02-03T19:04:00.002+08:00

lunar new year visitations' over.. mm... did had a kinda different year compared to previous years; more enjoyable and fun. Lunar dinner was crazy yet fun.. playing as in cooking around in the kitchen and the suppose-to-be steamboat base suddenly gave out smoke! (zz-ba-boom!)

it's amazing to visit the people in a span of a day.. usually two days. Then it's another amazing stamina to stay up till next morning. Almost went to the cinema as a family. Finally I had my mac breakfast before heading apt.. Dunno why, upon reaching.. not long after.. the whole apt no power! -.-"' and it's the only unit affected. Arh! no air-con.. cannot watch TV.. even DSL no batt. Thought I could enjoy.. then off to vivo pacific cafe! =)

wow.. i didn't get to rest till day two night.. spent the day at my cousins' house. Pretty fun to be playing with my nephews and niece especially. so cute and funny; my niece is barely two years old.. i seat beside her and she kept looking at me innocent-ly.. then she tried to push me but of cos failed lar.. she then 'hump' with her mouth and seat on the floor herself! innocent-ly cute wor

2009-01-21T22:40:00.002+08:00

A tall slim, cool and quiet woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce. She can work better than some men and she is very high confident woman. In her opinion, woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or at an office and certainly not a weak sex who needs protection.She likes to control and hide her weak emotions. She will never try to change anyone, but she will learn to accept them as they are. If she does not like someone, she will not comments or criticize but she will completely ignore that person.She hate plastic and an artificial flower because it make her feel that you are not being sincere. She loves real flower and it's scent. She loves a guy who wear after shave cologne. If you are a type of a guy who wear your Jean one month before washing, or wear an old sneaker, then you can forget about her.She loves music and nature even there is a rare case otherwise. She loves to go picnic in nature, so if you don't have so much time for her, you can take her fishing too.She is not as jealous as Aquarius or Leo woman, but do not cross the line O.K. Better not to see she gets mad, especially in front of public when she feels like loosing face. She loves to make up and dress perfectly and very neat, so never rush her for this matter.She has her own goal in life and does not care if you have a doctorate degree or not, if she thinks you are not bright then she will not care about you at all. She likes smart people by character not by certificate shown. If you can not show her this quality, go and take a bus and go to the next stop.She does not like a dreamer who talk about his dream but never put his hands in action to make it happens. Don't bother to tell her "everyone is doing it, you should do it too", or "I think you should do it, it's good for you", because she will do what she wants to do only.She is a neat and tidy person, so if your apartment is a pigsty , do not take her there. If you go out on a date with her , try to be presentable such as nice and clean dress, clean nails or else it will be your last date.She is a cool type and will not nag, so easy on your ears. She is a slow but sure type. She will always respect and honor you and will never try to make you loose your face. If she loves you, she will help you in anything you do.She likes to help people and expect nothing in return. If she asks you for a favor and does not get one, she will feel very disappoint. She has a high hope and a high faith and beliefs in her own confident than believing in "Luck".If she is your wife, you will have nice and clean home and a gourmet cooking. If your parents visit your house, they will be please. She is a 3 in 1 means , a perfect mother, a perfect housewife, a perfect wife or you could say "happily ever after".

okay.. i kne mine's between [c] & [a].. anyway above is what [ter] she stated on her blog. true not true.. i duno.. =X

2009-01-20T23:29:00.002+08:00

T h a n k f u l l y

hey! Thank you for the sms-es.. FB messages... etc. Really thank you each and single ones of you. I hope I did reply my thank-u to you but just in case I left anyone out, even at FB.. (butt i dun thnk so ba) here's a Big Thank You! =)

yep I had a simple affair.. thanks mr nice (u kne who u r huh) for the adv wishing. and yesh, someone reminded me something by saying 'time flies' --sound familiar ar.. someone? then came msn me telling 10 more mins before it's over.. well well age doesn't matter, age comes wisdom (i hope) and what's matter is the heart =)

guess if I din initiate to sms, probably won't hear from you.. great to know you are well and thanks for your wishes and greeting. you are and will always be my bestie.. guess we'll remain status quo..

hee* and to the last person who wished.. HEY! you caught me by suprised and it's really heart-warming to hear from u, thou u never respond my msg later.. the last often matters most yea =)

2009-01-09T21:23:00.007+08:00

Lost Jack Russell

Okay.. help pass this message along yea...

Lost sweet Jack Russell being found. If you or know of someone who had lost one, for details, let me know and I'll give you the information. Thank u beary much =)

2009-01-08T19:14:00.002+08:00

wah.. very lo0ng din blog, spider webs everywhere.. most people already blogged about their '08 christmas parties la.. cow-down events lar... and resolutions for '09 arh..

me ah? i browse-blog lor.. many things to blog de.. like christmas dinner lar, cow-dung (opps down) lar.. spring cleaning.. werk.. peep-per (people) ar..

im tired after coming back.. gonna get a short nap before having mua dinner.. 'm seeing stars since yesterday.. *boo-bo0* mouth blow air

tata *waves.. take doggi off to bed

2009-01-02T22:24:00.003+08:00

2008-12-20T23:55:00.004+08:00

There's so much celebrations going on during this season of Christmas. A cup of drink and bowl of noodles with windy morning lighten up this heart of mine. Seeing kids chasing after birds trying to say hello to them, old grandmas' queuing for food.. 'who could I bless during this season.. to shows I really do cares?" Pondered and I remembered 'someone' whom's dear to me.. this' what i've to say
I used to feel the emptiness inside me
I was not supposed to feel that way
I had everything I needed
But nothing ever made me
What I long to be
The wealth, the name
The lights, the fame
Isn't what I seek
And then one night Out of the blue
I heard His name (Jesus)
And so I took that step of faith
And walked into His domain
I believe that's what He wants
Every heart to do
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you
Why be afraid For God knows what you're feeling
But even He can't do a thing if He sees your heart's not willing
And so we ask what's going on
We want what's right and still do wrong
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you
I guess by now you'd realize
You can't be on your own
And all your cares and all your burdens
Should be cast upon His throne
Letting go Just let it go
Letting go to know the truth
Is not so hard to do
It's the heart that's got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we've got to do
It's just the heart that's got to move
For Him to show His love that's been there
Even when we never cared
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you'll understand

2008-12-13T14:47:00.006+08:00

it was a sweet surprise, very heart-warming indeed that you guys came over. It seems like dejavu; I smiled from the bottom of my heart when you told me next door uncle wanted to received Christ

isn't any sort of touch & go. You guys stayed on and chatted, even when your young teen girl is getting late for appointments. Really makes one feel loved. It may seems small, little in the eye of a man. But it's really the heart that's matters. Most importantly, your act of love makes it more plain for my heart to know God is always there with me. Like the Chinese proverb that says: xue zhong siong tan it really describe what you just did.

I really want to say a big 'thank you' to the daddy, mommy and daughter (sorry didn't noted down your names) from Church of Savior. No I don't know them but they were like God sent human-angels. I pray as you bless others your family will be tremendously blessed. We like mere stranger, just met but through the chatting, really brings warm through the nights

2008-12-06T12:35:00.003+08:00

You know you're of certain age when you can recognize this...
making me gaga-ing over it.. Nat it's all your fork =(

Ding Dang! Blast from the past!

Updates of Recent...

2008-12-04T00:19:00.001+08:00

finally... I'm back from some far away lala land.. dec a month of thanksgivings. Soon '08 is coming to a closure. How time flies past, yea? Time to take out the goal cards and take a look what we had (not) achieved.. very soon will start setting goals for '09.. Indeed it's been an eventful year, afterall.

still at that far away land, I think....

alright. what's my christmas wish list? Well girls' wish lists are always changing and never ending, I suppose (hmm most said Yea!) Mine is simple yet ball's not in my court, that is, to know those I loved and loves me are healthy and enjoying life. Guess no amount of gifts could beat the joy of knowing and hearing your love ones' heartbeat. So if anyone wanna get me pressies.. just present yourself will do! =)

Okay lest anyone worried. I'm alright still. Reason for that wish, guess only my cousins' would be able to apprehend a bit. They were like my.. guardians for the past 2 weeks (?) helping to shoulder bit of the huge stress and burdens. It's a little bit wee too many incidents happening one after next, I admit quite taxing actually. So much so my blank went blank for weeks, doing things with my hands and not the mind (lol chim i kne) Anxieties guess made one aged much huh.. causing not 1 but 3 persons fell ill. The fear of losing someone like a cloud 'shadow' over my head.. still, I believe all things works out good for those who love and trust is in Him =)

Some said I seldom talk now =S eh some things not don't but Can't tell at all. It's hard to want to speak yet can't you know?!? surely, I've grown - much stronger within. With fingers cross, cousins and I wish everything would be fine. No more 'blows' pls. Not that my heart can't take it but let the sea be 'dead' i mean calm for good lar. So that cousin [a] could go Norway without any worries.. [v] can still enojoy her good life and I can have a really peaceful christmas & countdown =)

this isn't an emo post, just updates of recent happening.. don't understand never mind de! anyway, recently have a 'feel' for photo-taking! The love has always been there.. one of my 'love' haha! Picture paints thousand words lei. Desire for a better (nikon) camera *minus off the weights too!* ... so I could snap nicer pictures =)

2008-11-28T02:15:00.003+08:00

2008-11-24T21:25:00.001+08:00

T.I.M.E.

give me some time.. I'll try to blog..

nowadays really drama-drama..

more drama than TV...

and it's happening in Real Life!

Asia Conf (AC) ended..

opening & ending I missed

glad i made it thou felt weak

- no comments -

tues came as a shocked for my cousins & I

calls after calls.. sms-es one after another..

.. amazed where the strength came from

till date.. what they could say to me is..

"..take care.."

market downturn.

field getting hit front & back cum middle

omg.. i kne yes I heard yea I understand..

But I really wish it'll 'recover' soon..

adulthood is more than what I think it is

really...

Time... I'll try to blog if I can..

meanwhile watch out on wordpress =)

2008-10-25T21:19:00.003+08:00

Pardon that there's isn't many entry. There's 1001 things that I can blog about but the moment I wanted to type them down, I got problem constructing the first sentence; starring at the screen with many thoughts running in my mind

Been pretty tied up for the past two-three months. Apart from work, the only people I got contact with were my cousins. I admit I have lost part of me lately. It's been quite a long while since I caught up with friends, went to church,, dining together etc. The world has indeed taken a small hold of me. Or I should phrase it like what my cousins said: I had paid a huge price in my growing up. Well, who don't right? =)

In the meanwhile, I am gaining back part of me (sound deep I k now) slowly. After much had been done and said, let's get back the basic; at the end of day I just want to be happy. No one is born to be super-hero or a weakling. It's pretty much determine by the state of mind. It's alright to feel hurt when people decided to leave or don't see the contributes poured in. It's fine to drop a little bit of tears at times. Everyone needs to pour out somewhere some times. But at the end of day, it's important to pick up that courage and move on, regardless what had happened. To be happy is really crucial. Don't understand what I am babbling about? Never mind... I don't too! haha

At the end of the day, I just want to be happy

2008-10-25T21:13:00.003+08:00

saw that last picture?
Recently really been crazy... just want to be like Calvin...

fill you in the recent details...
pour out the deepest feelings within..
tell you the reasons behind every worries and fear
And then like a child
I'll tag closely behind you (like how child tag at his dad's pant)
with honestly and simple look in the eye
I'll say to you
“please... don't you go anywhere! I'm scare!”

haa... i'm still very much a child within, afterall =)

2008-10-03T00:06:00.003+08:00

Already so late.. at this hour, really almost wanted to call (or at least sms) someone. Instead, asked a friend to send my regards. It's just funny. Somehow felt bit uneasy, as if history is repeating itself. I really won't want to go thru the same thing ever again. It's meant to be keep for life, for sure. Hopefully will get in touch soon..

There were days I really missed some people. Their presence somehow comfort my heart. Their words kept ringing in my ears.. yes I really miss those times. Sharing joys and woes together, celebrate when the other party did well in life. Shoulder when one's down. Spurring to achieve the goals in our lives. I have found true relationships and it has been with me for the past 10 years. I may have to let go certain things or had already given up things in life, but for sure, I won't let go the bonding we built. Not over my dead body.

Because of this ordeal, I realised many things. Who are the one who truly concern and who's not. Who I should divert my love and attention to and who's not. Suddenly, life became clearer. It keeps wanting to move on and on, wanting no rest. In times like this, close ones truly needed. Yea I am given pass to go find them should I bump unto problems. Not this round, I said to myself, till I'm in a better shape. Never had I felt this way before, not the recent years. Empty and really nearly having nothing.. well, great characters are forged through hardship.. so cheers! Time for building sessions again!

Suddenly, life took a sudden turn. A different heart. Different mind. Different journey altogether. A gentle loving spirit, stronger ambitious and determination till completion of journey. I am not afraid of failure.. only afraid I will be proud of myself when I succeed. Way to go, dearest an-gel!!

2008-10-01T20:08:00.003+08:00

just a quick note to let you guys know I'm fine, safe and sound. Yep, it ended (hopefully)grateful to god's grace and mercy and protection during this ordeal =)

wat bout the other 'blow' some may asked. am mind set and decisions had been made. very firm about it. am not gonna give in anymore. Time to re-enforce my stand. My life had took a sudden turn. Fret not, coping quite well still..

I'm working hard to build up stronger characters and learn the right principles of life. I just need grow to be stronger person inside-out. And I'm trying to learn to cook some simple meals.. (gotta fed myself la) hur..if u know how to cook fabulous food.. teach me yea? All in all, 'm on the route to take care of myself lar.. washing.. cleaning..cooking.. yea lar.. maid in making

ps: now not good shape.. bit later ba.. transition period..

2008-09-09T03:03:00.004+08:00

"I despaired at the thought of my life passing me by without seeing God move mightily on my behalf"

Because I miss some things, some people so much it hurts sometimes, the old and 'familiar' still stretches out its arm to caress my memories. In these awkward moments, I'd beat myself up inside and wondered why.. why am I in this strange and unfamiliar place feeling bit uncomfortable

If I don't keep my eyes on you, oh god, if I can't keep my eyes on you, how am I ever going to get through this?

I wonder, If I'll ever start to care for less, contend for less, and settle for very very little of God in my life. Ever so often, in moments where the heart starts to wander, mind starts to drift, or when settling into days of dry, godless spells, I sit very still to feel the long stretched out emptiness. I marvel at how loud the silence of a godless void can get. And then I marvel again how fast one can shift from a bubble of intimacy into a dangerous contention of nothingness. Faith, Determination is very important. It keeps me alive. It keeps me going. It keeps me smiling. And, it keeps me awake with laughter and love. I fear for the day when something big crashes on me and I respond unfavourably and just let it all go, cease to be strong

2008-09-04T23:07:00.004+08:00

alright.. I know I should blog often, since the internet is (Finally) up and there's so many things to blog about! Ya..ya.. but honestly I don't know where to start with and what to blog at all. *blank mind* Well... let's try to recall yea..

070808 Thursday
I remembered walking along Raffles buildings after work.. strolling down those big buildings... seeing the glorious sky... then off I went to meet up friends to get some pressie.. that how I ended my day
080808 Friday
Busy day. One of my friend's getting ROM. Woke up, met my gal friend and off we went to OSS. There I met the groom's friends - all Commandos! I had the luxurious to take a good look at OSS. Gosh, what a huge change! It looks more like a country club then school to me. Of course, lots of memories flashed back behind my mind. Sweet memories, of course =)
Then it time to get down to work. Ensuring everything runs well... the sound, the food... guest got seated down.. where's the Justice.. wow I felt really tired just walking up and down the hall. Luckly, someone offered to carry that gift-box *phew*. I must say, the groom (whom is my senior) got good buddies cos they set up the buffet table in just a minute!
alrigt. I knew many tried to call but couldn't reached me. Well, thats because I placed my phone at the meeting room and that place have no reception at all! -.-" Sorry... not I purposely don't pick up calls k..
140808 Thursday
The day I announced I'm dead.. I remembered I stayed at office till 9pm. Was really worn out. The only thought I had was to go Tg Pagar asap to meet someone cos I don't want to stay around office area any longer. What a night I would say. The whole story? heh don't wanna touch it..
240808 Sunday
was at vivo.. walking around with __ trying to get something for [??].. don't really like the idea of blah blah blah sometimes... then saw huili and frens.. well I really enjoyed the scenery of sentosa.. the lights of cable cars.. the cruise.. stars above my head.. heavy heart but the night seeing made it a lil' better
260808 Tuesday
yep was at vivo (again) went there to watch a moive myself. don't ask me y, i duno. Of course, after the show, I went to Pacific Cafe to view the nice scenery. Had the luck to get the 'couple' seat (I was AlonE). Gosh, guess I swing a wee bit too hard, I felt dizzy seating there surfing net.
Sent out sms to someone but.. no reply.. hmmp.. it's alright. went home, sleep
270808 Wednesday
nerve cracking day.. yet bit relax after that.. went to xxx dep @ SGX.. 0.0 scary place.. went wrong unit some more =S The office.. big.. but very empty. People were chatting away.. anyway, after that, I walked to Suntec.. seeing the view of Merlion.. feeling the sea breeze.. then breakfast @ suntec BK..
010908 Monday
met up my fren @ orchard for dinner @ waraku (wrong spelling i guess) It's our 2nd time there and both agreed that clark quay branch have better scenery. Acompanied my fren for a short walk before wanting to head home. Just when I passed by [cp] working place... my phone rang and I thought who's that. lo and behold, xxx called.. Hesitant, still I picked it up.. End story - my fren went back and I took a stroll down orchard road
Thanks... short yet felt the concern behind those words. I'll be fine.. by then, we'll go have ice-cream together, alrite? if there's still chance, that is

That's rather... a long post huh.. aritz there you guys have.. can't recall any more.. brainy tired

2008-08-17T17:28:00.002+08:00

finally settled down @ Pacific Cafe Vivo
guess I will stop calling/sms-ing. It would be good enough be alone for a while though I know it would be better if there's somebody(s)

I think my contenance says it all - I am worn out totally this round. Can try asking, someone did, but I just don't know what to say. I can try to tell a rough story still it doesn't reflect the impact or able to express anything. Believed its not that I want to, there's seems to be a 'blockage' between (if u kne wat i mean)

since some incident, I rarely talk much. Hasn't been well inside for the past 3 months, especially the past 3 days. Left office on Thursday at 9... which mean I was there for 12 hours. Hardly could sleep these days. My mind just went blank. Talks in the morning, talks after lunch. It's more draining than the usual working hours. No one I could go or reveal much about what had happened. Saturday after report, going over to New Bridge to look for [panda] was the only thing I could do. Shocked, stun... speechless was [panda] expression when I hand the copied report. what could we do, we asked ourselves. Nothing. Our greatest wish is that I am able to get out of this mess.

Walked down the streets of singapore, stroll down orchard road... I can only say, unfamiliar surroundings. I know why I was terrified on Thursday night though [k] don't but I can't explain clearly why. Incidents can never be compared but the impact is almost the same, this I can't agree more with [k]..

quiet nights. Listening to the most inner heartbeat. I know what state I'm at. I know how big/small the impact is but never know how to surface them out. Some say it's good to talk things out, some professionals beg a diff. So is this doing me good? Some say it's a sign of maturing. I hope so.

what I once knew now I don't. what I once had it's nothing. Strong, move on was what said to me. Oh well, if I am able to be clear tomorrow and return back, that would really be great... if not, I really wish to take a break and leave this place temporary...

It's always good to be Home - place of security, familiarity, warm, love... These I really missed. what can I say.. set my feets in your ways. Entering your presence just to behold you face to face. Unfailing love that has surround me all these while, amazed. Love of my life -selah- Set my eyes on you, ran this race for quite a while. I'm amazed how you brought me this far. I just... wish to be by your side at this very minute... take me away with you - my desire

selfish/cold perhaps I have been towards some. Unintentional. Not that it doesn't matter to me, just that... o self-center, perhaps. Not able to put myself into others shoes, never thought of hurting anyone nor do I have such ability now. I felt so tired just to type this blog...

bring me to some place where I can be just me. a place where can be understood. where my thoughts and principles can be generate well and that my kind intention/principles I held won't be treated like dust. I don't wanna lose myself because of this... let what you have planted in my heart remains for good. I just want to be by your side

2008-08-04T22:24:00.002+08:00

Ice Mountain... KFC... these I remembered clearly
Walking down that road... to KFC... eating the same drink & meals..
I wished I went. Yes just for that friendship but not the event
Sorry I couldn't bring myself to go there
It's a memorable day to recall this frienship, always been

The amosphere in the bank was weird. Quiet and stern feeling. Air-condition was extremely cold till the extend of [panda] not caring about dress code and I almost walked out the bank hall. [adw] face was black, mentor didn't feel good in the morning due to some stuff... and next was I after meeting up someone during lunch. Yes, I was pretty affected because it came from someone dear to my heart. Who cares if it comes from a nobody?

Anyway, met up my cousin during the weekend. Thanks. Really needed a lil' unwind moment, to take a breather. Though they wouldn't comprehen what happened and how I felt fully, at least they care enough ask me out for a walk. At work, I am glad there's people like my mentor and [panda] for me to talk. I was surprised my mentor did notice my changed of feelings/mood during one of the days. Oh well.. good people don't usually stays long. She just revealed to me she's planning to resign somewhat end of the year.. There's days when [panda] isn't in and that really freak me out. I thought move to else where and I am thankful that [panda] is back

Yes I did tried to call some up. Some for a talk, some for a meal? Well, glad there are people like [c], [mf] to dine after work... especially [panda] - to chat. Well... [k] said will bring me out for ice-cream this week. I really didn't know we have the same 'thing' for ice-cream wor. Glad [k] is recovered fast enough for it.. You and I know, I need it.. really (ice cream)

2008-07-30T21:34:00.004+08:00

days passed... weeks passed... months passed...
still, no utterance of words from within
walking by streets, buildings... under the lights...
when would the heart ever speak volume
again

medical heals almost all disease...
except what the eyes can't see
Time sometimes don't help but buried dead
words shouldn't be taken too lightly all the time
Scars thee have left will not be ease

Love me in the good times... even more in the bad times...
Laugh with me in the morning... shoulder me in the night
Need not carry... just walk by my side
I pray
-silence-

Unfailing Love - Amazed...
Love of my life, privilege to ever travel on thee footsteps
Heavenly Pearl fallen to Earth
Chasten

2008-07-16T22:09:00.004+08:00

I didn't know the effect would be this big... too much to even imagine

having nothing, needed no one, I went through the whole circle personally and yes I admit I am a different person inwardly. Now I know you can shape the emotions like how a clay would have a strong shape when force is place. No one forsees such a day

I stand amazed at this word LOVE. How a Abba father would love His child that much. Chasten. I am moved. At same time, this word Love recalled back past memories that should be ease. How love would turned around and become a feeling undesirable. I walked back home from work, random feelings stirring deep but my mind was blank like a paper...

aggitated. unsatified. frustrated. upset. anger. lost.

just to name a few... my heart was still like water yet strong feelings were battling within. It aren't the 1st time. I tried the best I know how... the heart wants it so but weak is the will. I don't bear to.. really don't. I didn't know it would affect me this much, really. I miss you so, my lord.

giving in. not surrendering. Not moving doesn't mean giving up. Agony. Silence. Teeth biting, hand fisting to going on. OH MY! WHY... I want to fight no more, struggle no more... let it go, let me go.. I want nothing... I need nothing..

2008-07-14T00:12:00.004+08:00

An-gel:

what a journey you choose to embark. The old you is slowly surfacing. You have been asking and longing for something you love dearly. Your heart grew tired and weary. Each time you enter, you entered filled with questions and in awe. Now you are asking, how long can you last. Your flesh and heart is giving ways. But you aren't panic because you are really worn out this round. Tough you may appear to be, your heart is tied to your love

it must be a tough decision and surely you suffered much, if not you won't reacted this strong, we all know. It's isn't your character to have done that. You have been in silence, not that you put up a front but because you no longer know how to generates the thoughts within. Everything seems nothing to you cause' your heart isn't bother by it. Even your tin est desire, you buried. You shut it all. Simply because of the same cause again. Oh gal, why haven't you gone up to people like you always did before?

Desire to go back home, a daughter's heart he understands. You know he knows what's in your heart and he knows what you truly needs. A father's heart, you always runs after. You tried hard to walk and follow the steps. Perhaps its time to be carried and stop trying to walk. It's deep. You seat by the side alone all night long. You don't need time, you don't know what you truly need now. Everyday going the same path, occasionally your heart pumps a lil' harder. Still you concealed it all within

you wish you long and it tough to do it. lost in wonder, even your nearest surrounding. Never allow to enter neither you entered. This isn't the plan or the road you should walk.. never. It breaks both the hearts..

2008-07-05T01:32:00.006+08:00

After so many years, You are the only one who holds the key to my heart. The days now are so different from back then. The lil' gal who simply love running around wherever you goes now have grown up to a young lady. Still you are the one she adores all these years. Your House has been my play ground since teenage. A place I love dwelling in all seasons

Things were simple back then though there's trials around. Perhaps those days things were still manageable and that there's advisories around. Being an adult there are so many things I have to face it on my own, responsibilities to take. No one saw me like you do. No one would understand my feelings fully like you do always. Standing at a corner... You saw everything.. the whole incidents taking place. This heart of mine been trying and sloting so hard all these years.. trying hard to follow every bits of your word. No doubt I found true joy and yes I loves those words but somehow it's getting tougher. Indeed no one knows what would happened in the future but only You. Beloved.. things are so different now.. each time it just gets heavier and heavier

nevertheless, this heart of mine has never waiver towards you. Deep down I am more fond of you than I was years ago. Such love couldn't be displayed but only you understands. My heart is linked to yours. Every melody/songs, dreams and inspirations I hold, you are invloved in them. No one tells me you are going to find me, like the way I was searching for you when I was young, and you dig into my heart. I am amazed. privillege I told myself to have found you and be in love with you all these while. My Beloved, I yearned and long for it but somehow it's seems to be tough. Know this, My Love... wherever you go I really want to be by your side. This relationship begins with you and I truly wants to stand at the finishing line with you next to me. If possible, tell me it can be done my Love... help me to draw near like you want me to be. I have lost it all but I don't wish to lose you

If possible, I wish I needn't walk through this path... a heart that's ever true... strengthen this heart of mine My Dearest Love. Not my... but.... yours........ be done... If I could spend my life all over again... even if I have to go through the same things all over again.. I would still choose to spend it all on you, My Beloved

2008-07-05T01:03:00.004+08:00

Deep in thoughts... I looked at my laptop with deep feelings stirring within. When was the last time I actually wrote a letter to my love, I asked myself. Memory started to recall. It was 2 years ago.. Read it again and again..

I Will Embrace the Cross Tightly 13th Dec 2005
http:///www.donghaeng.net/english/duty.htm
Daddy I am learning to be obedience, learning to be loyal to You. Though I was tired and weary, fell flat on the ground, badly wounded at times but through the cold stormy raining seasons, I didn't let go of the Cross. Many times I fell with tears falling in my eyes and heart but I always remembered what You have told me when I fell on the ground. Thus I run back to embrace the Cross again...
Daddy, I just want to say 'Thank You,' thank you for always being with me and that You are faithful in Your words. When You said You will come back, you truly mean it. You know my ups and downs, You know what I have been through. You know my feelings and desires. You know how much I love you. You are compassionate and gentle. You always embrace me with Your arms wide open, You hugged me tight in Your arms. Always, You weep the tears I wept and wiped them away from me. In the night, You cruddled me when I was in fear and put me to bed with Your sweet voice of assurance that You would stay beside my bed till the next day. Early in the morning, You would paint the sky so beatifully and sent the birds outside my window to brighten my day. Those times when I was downcast, You carried me and lead me to Your river that's in Your garden. When I was happy, Daddy You rejoiced with me, You even danced with me. But I noticed that whenever I am sad, Daddy you seem to be more upsad than me. Daddy You love me so much, far more than my heart tells me. Though the word may abandon me, I know Daddy You would never forsake me. It's when the world forsaken me, Daddy You hold me tight and said 'I Love You Child' When I am left with nothing, Daddy You provide it all for me
Daddy, I would never understand why You would love me so much, that You called me 'My Sweet Princess,' 'My Beloved Child', allowing me to dwell in Your Kingdom and play in Your big Castle. No one on earth would love me this deep like You do. I can't find a reason why anyone should love me because I know I am but just a dirty clothe that others might not even use to wipe their table. But You showed me that You treasure and love this dirty clothe high above anything. Daddy... You are my Daddy.. my Beloved Daddy! I can't live without You Daddy. I can't even imagine a moment without You by my side. It's like I can't live a day without the air You created. You are the air that I breathe, You are my all-in-all. No one cares about me more than you do. Without you by my side, I am left with nothing.
Running to Your arms and wispered 'Daddy', Seeing Your eyes I know You knew everything. I love to be hug and cruddle by You LORD. Let me stay with You forever
Beloved Child
Angela

2008-07-02T21:40:00.002+08:00

don't know what to blog at all. My mind sometimes gets so cope up by stuffs. what should we talk about today? Mmm.. concern a.k.a. Love

In my opinion, I always believe human beings are kind-hearted. No doubts there are bad eggs around. To me, there must be some reasons why they turned into baddies. Deep down, there's always a kind-intention/loving heart somewhere hidden. Human seems to be an 'unbeatable' pillars. Do you realised no matter how tough a sitution may be, most humans would stand up on the ground? Some is because of someone' help or perhaps source of strength.

Concern. I believe it's in-born in human being. It's so natural to care for someone. I am not saying it's easy, never! What I am saying is this: even when you are face with the darkest storm, one would still care for those he/she valued especially. Even when the love-tank is running low, one would feel the ache to see the tired face of a dear one, for example.

Showing concern doesn't mean this person must be your kins or friends. To me, even a stranger who may had fallen down, I would gladly show my concern and offer help. Even at work, to someone whom I rarely talk to I would try my best not to allow anyone to disturb her from resting. Showing concern is so natural.. like breathing the air.

Reason for this post. I want to say is this: I may had bought someone' food, that doesn't mean anything. I may had given someone money, that alone doesn't mean anything. It's just like anybody/stranger.. I have no feelings towards those people. No strings attached. No feelings involved. Once the status changes @ heart, it changed for good, I guess

2008-06-30T21:22:00.002+08:00

Really had a lousy day @ work.. as expected.. felt so down and heavy laden yet I can't reveal outwardly. Smile was the only way to cover it.. It's been a while I have been losing much appetite during lunch due to some incidents happened at work. No one know the right ways to put my heart at ease.. some just pat on my back. Isn't it weird, I couldn't talked much about things to my fellow co-workers (they'll only talked among themselves about my case), only had to rely on email-ing to someone who isn't directly under the same umbrella (whois table is just right in front of me).. Email - my only source of Communication and perhaps.. getting some 'un-heard' or seen concern as well

There are changes going round but aren't going to mention here. There's lots of unspoken words hidden within.. lots of feelings untold.. incidents not many may understood.. I felt so weary this time round. Honestly I lost count of times I hid my emotions.. I just had to.. Really, dont wish to be defeated just like that.. don't really want to... what a.. =S

If you know me.. jsut wanna say.. it's been tough all these while.. I am growing stronger, I believe..

On a brighter side. Remember I mention about emails? Glad it's has been a good communciation tool. I mean I can't possibly walked over 2meters from my desk just to talk... email-communciation is better with no communciation with people at all yea?

2008-06-30T20:59:00.002+08:00

when would be the day.. when there's no more 'mistakes'..
no more 'talks' or 'see me'..
every time I heard those words, my heart sung deeply..

Each time I could only say 'sorry'..
But this time, was it really my fault, I asked
why are you giving me color face even when other was being exaggerated

Is it because [ter] and [jes] name were taken down..
is it because of them thus you gave me a trashdown.. even if I am not totally at fault?
why? why must it be like this?

Just few more weeks away..
what would be the outcome.. I wondered
such heavy heart, I bore it for weeks
I'm speechless, totally trashed by your attitude
whatever it turn out to be..
I'm prepared for the results..

2008-06-10T21:37:00.002+08:00

I had a busy weekend last week.. literally I 'flew' from places to places.. some said it was insane.. yea I think so too..

Sat : home -> trained to expo -> CAB down to outram -> CAB back home -> CAB to JJC
Sun : JJC -> CAB back home

Today.. I from town -> CAB to Tampines

Felt really physcially tired on saturday. Couldn't even stay throughout the whole service but 1hr of p&w is good enough for me. Glad I went over for the celebration though the cab fee cost lots. Yes, cabbies have been my 'fren' recently.. I guess I broke a record cause I rarely cab to places! The total cab fees could allow me to have.. close to 10 Mac meals.. ='(

I left both the celebration and camp with a heavy heart. If only I needn't rush off for camp.. if only I could stay a lil' longer..
pls stay strong & live longer so that you could help me in choosing the right one.. be my witness for the vow.. if possible, I really wish you could teach my kids the way they should go like how you used to teach me.. I won't mind supporting you for the rest of my life.. bring you to the doctor every weekends. You weren't and will not be a burden. I love you for who you are and your presence brings joy to my heart. Take care ~ granddaughter

truly, now I know who are the ones I really loves and misses, who are the one who loved and dotes me. Your willingness to do things for that someone determine the level of your love for him/her. So many things pondering in this brainy of mine.. I tried to call those I could recalled last night... most either not in.. or some were oversea.. when the night came, I am already tired to the extend of losing words.. I don't know what to talk about.. just needed somebody.. I believe I am growing to be a stronger person inwardly daily

2008-06-09T22:16:00.002+08:00

ARG!
woah.. today super duper disturbed by this person during work. Too much. She thinks she's some super big socks & tried to show me how BIG her sock is.. Am got bombarded by this middle age woman with lots of ugly crude words. what the $#^$#%# the one seated next to me also got caught-off by this person's speech and gave me this 0.0 look. For a solid 15 MINS I stood there silently.. If only I am not at work.. hurr... I will surely ROAR and BITE her! She even went the extend of wanting to see my boss and threaten to log a complain against me..

After she left I went in to look for Boss, in case that woman really go complained against me.. To my relief.. Boss didn't scold me.. both my Boss and the whole of my heads actually stand on my side upon hearing the whole story..in fact no one at work stands at her side.. *phew* Like what 'liao-da' said, this woman is kinda mad and strongly encouraged me to bite her to pieces

Go ahead and log a complain.. complain as many times as you wish.. my Boss aren't entertaining it neither is my boss' boss. lalala~~ Crazy woman.. don't throw your anger at anyone. Lucky you I held my peace.. if given to others.. hoho.. best wish.. =p I forgot to tell you.. your socks may be very big for santa to put pressie.. but my Dad is much bigger than your tiny whiny santa socks lar santa will nvr give pressie for such crude woman, my fren santa said so =)

2008-06-07T13:11:00.005+08:00

Wahooo~ like f..I.N..A..L..L..Y.. waited quite a while for such days.. I can sort of work alone now.. occasionally will have to call for help still.. but will really miss talking with my mentors. Oh and can I loudly declare this : I am indeed one blessed soul in my work place can?! Not just once nor twice, I escaped from the snare of my careless-ness many times. Some said I am lucky but I know I am not. It's His hands that has been protecting me since day one. It's Him that pulled me through the scaries days... the lonely hours.. the trying period

Yesterday.. finally PB and I talked during break time. It's quite a breakthrough since we would be in the same working environment for a few years. It's always good to know more people and gain some knowledge as well. Chatted bit about work and yes I must admit too, that we are in a very good working environment compared to other places. I have a nice boss who bought rice-dumplings for us as lunch on thursday, early morning cooked green bean soup for us on friday and even bought us ice-cream cake after work as a farewell for a staff. We work like a big family. Even PB who isn't really directly under the tree felt the family-warm, what else could I say but thank god for the arrangement He has for me?

I am touched when I looked back at His little actions. All these while, He stood beside me and I know He saw everything. Abba... what a love I have found. A love to hold and to keep. One that's faithful to the very end. What can I say? I have been through much but I gained much more of His love and grace. He has given me rocks in the nights when the ocean rise, a shoulder when I need a bed. Most importantly, when I could no longer walk the path.. He gently carrys me with His hands and leads me on

If I could say something to you face-to-face.. I miss you Daddy

2008-06-03T20:11:00.003+08:00

the past few days.. for unknown reasons.. been missing some people/things.. 0.o

[x] somehow thought of this fellow the whole day.. when's the dinner coming along.. can be a bit more pro-active ma? *enco hard arh*
___ thought of this person esp the past few days.. wondered how's things.. let it be soon that things will work out well once again..
Dog-Dog. Ohh somehow I do miss dogs. Give me any breeds like golden rev. or young active dogs & believe me I'll cruddle it to slp =) *woof!*

wanted to go oversea for a short period.. like 3D2N kind.. uhmm shall save it all up till maybe year end to go great southland =)

2008-06-03T20:00:00.011+08:00

Harmony-seeking Idealist (HI)

The harmony-seeking idealist is characterised by a complex personality and an abundance of thoughts and feelings. She is a warm-hearted person by nature. She is sympathetic and understanding. She expects a lot of herself and of others. She has a strong understanding of human nature and is often a very good judge of character But she is mostly reserved and confides her thoughts and feelings to very few people she trusts. She is deeply hurt by rejection or criticism. She finds conflict situations unpleasant and prefers harmonious relationships. However, if reaching a certain target is very important to her she can assert herself with a doggedness bordering on obstinacy

This personality type has a lively fantasy, often an almost clairvoyant intuition and is often very creative. Once she has tackled a project, she does everything in her power to achieve her goals. In everyday life, she often proves to be an excellent problem solver. She likes to get to the root of things and has a natural curiosity and a thirst for knowledge. At the same time, she is practically oriented, well organised and in a position to tackle complex situations in a structured and carefully considered manner. When she concentrates on something, she does so one hundred percent - she often becomes so immersed in a task that she forgets everything else around her. That is the secret of her often very large professional success

As a partner, the harmony-seeking idealist is loyal and reliable; a permanent relationship is very important to her. She seldom falls in love head over heels nor does she like quick affairs. She sometimes finds it very difficult to clearly show her affection although her feelings are deep sincere. In as far as her circle of friends is concerned, her motto is: less is more! As far as new contacts are concerned, she is approachable to only a limited extent; she prefers to put her energy into just a few, close friendships. Her demands on friends and partners are very high. As she does not like conflicts, she hesitates for some time before raising unsatisfactory issues and, when she does, she makes every effort not to hurt anyone as a result

2008-06-01T23:06:00.004+08:00

its gonna be a long night
standing by the window
glazing upon the sky
Thoughts of people came
those i loved, my most precious

Finally the crystal fell
its been for a long time

weary heart needed it so much so much

"last one" i kept telling it

hold me close tonight my dearest lord

letting things go I have to

though it pains me so

but it would hurts much more to hold it dear again

I am just a lil' tired

Tell me u're here and I will draw close to your embrace

Road ahead is a lil' rocky

up the mountain down the vally

am still have to go thru' it

work will keep me going on

till the day I grow old

2008-05-31T22:30:00.001+08:00

Ohh.. till today, I still do not know what's the proper words to reply that... email. Nevermind..

Lately been feeling pretty tired thus resulting not going online regularly as before. Every single day my wish is to sleep after work even though there's GSS going on!

Hmm it's been awhile... I realised I rarely do explaination even when's there some misunderstanding or even when there's arguement. In other words, I don't really talk much lar. Beats me. Honestly speaking, most of the time I have nothing in mind to talk about, as in sharing. I am, even, running out of what topic to blog too. Just word-less le

Work has been alright, had mistakes here and there. Thankful to have good mentor and nice co-workers. Lots of things to learn, remember of. Had the chance to talk to everyone except one - PB! I guess I am pretty shy (ahem i know) when I meet new people. It's been weeks, only managed to say 'thank you' when PB opened the door for me and waved bye-bye. haha. It's goes the same for PB too, talked to everyone except me. Surely the chance will come lar. And I realised... PB expressions seems the same as someone. Does all PBs have the same 'patterns'? =p Still wondering should I go for the dinner.. but it's on friday! =\ But one thing for sure, am not going for D&D!

It's good to be able to meet Danying and Jeslynn again, though didn't get to talk much. Been so long since I last saw them [esp danying] =) Take care gals. Enjoy your holidays. Alright, that's it. Take Care

2008-05-26T20:58:00.004+08:00

Felt so worn out today.. wanted to turn in much earlier than the usual timing.. till I received an e-mail from someone..

my respond?..

speechless.. read that e-mail again and again.. again and again.. The word 'sorry' aren't the correct word to say to either party. I shan't reveal what's my thoughts and feelings here.. will keep it deep within instead..

really lost of words.. what should I reply..

I am.. but just merely a human.. what do I really have to be call my very own?

2008-05-25T23:06:00.002+08:00

Okay.. I was trying to address some issue here.. In order not to affect anyone else.. I had to put it to 'draft' mode instead. Some may had read that post.. oh well. All I can say is, it's not much about being emotional but really to address some issue once and for all. Heh.. never mind. Think whatever ways you guys want lar

Life's been alright thus far. Hmm being feeling rather tense up recently, don't know why; even on my way back! One thing I must clarify. I may look as if I'm stress up to some but I am not. Just that I have been having really bad headache for weeks =( Not sure is it because of the weather. 1st time that I actually finished up the pills subscribed by the doc. Shows to see how bad the spin could be huh..

had been indulging with good food for that past days. Not that I wanted, it's the people around wanted to dine in good places. Thanks for the concern showed by some. Still okay lo =) Alright, I admit I did miss some people.. wonder how are they.. I won't mention names here lar. The rest... haha I shall not say much lar.. hur.. Take care folks

2008-05-23T11:09:00.000+08:00

oKay.. i noe i haven' been blogging lately.. yup there's lots to blog about but just gonna turn in soon yea.. just a quick post

what __ said in the morning is quite... discouraging and yes i lost the courage that i may do well. Felt really disappointed inwardly yet can't express it out.. like the weather; in life there's sun and rain. I did encountered both good/bad days during the past weeks. I did managed to share bits of my good ones with my friend. What comfort my heart most is that, when it's the raining season... when the small rain turned into huge drop of water.. there's someone by my side to help carry the burdens..

lastly.. congratz [xxx] =) and also the RT/RG class of '08 lar i know waited this day somewhat long.. finally u're offically grad! Now all the time and energy is in your hands.. let's 'jiayou' for life *wink*

2008-05-10T02:03:00.000+08:00

T.I.R.E.D.

breaking down somewhat soon?

can't really take it anymore...

No more what-IFs

dun wanna try.. perhaps not now..

a shoulder please.. for a good rest

i know i can

just a call

T..I..R..E..D..

i've failed to grap tight

failed to get in to it..

weary? lone?

Red signal... i kne

nearly breaking it

but weak heart wana make it

it breaks my heart if ever unable to gain back

yet..

overly tired to win it one more time

2008-04-15T11:12:00.000+08:00

They says everyone have an angel and devil inside of them. Some says some may find sides emerging which come as a suprise. Convoluted, complex personalities? Puzzle. It's been a while and finally I am breaking it, quite charge up, letting go what's dear to me and ready to move on. Been running around and it's time to get the old me back

Pardon me for the change. It's alright that my years of labors had gone to the drain. Even in near future there's no one to share my fruits, it's alright. Another stage of life is about to begin, soon will be entering into a new environment. Fearful... lost... am getting use to it. Revamp of surroundings, relationships, my very life and the lives of others. Focus is what I wish and need. Not sure is transition the right word to be use. But I do need some time for the adjustment and to deal with stuffs and relationships somewhat later

Bid farewell to ____ and welcome new ground. Thanks [__] understanding the going through, the assurance to watch over and lead me on should I need guidance. Stronger than before, yea I will

My King: what could I say; it's no longer the hands but my heart that holds on to you. I'm convinced that nothing can separate us, what come may. We fought battles and had overcome hurdles all these while. Give me more grace, I would be back soon. Take my hands and lead me. I will fight the battles together with you

一口地拒绝伤害

一步踏着腐败
战用我优雅固执倔强的方式
独自一人孤军奋战
做我的故事

2008-04-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

Someone said I was "too much" regards to my previous post. I wondered in what way I was overboard. Felt that isn't the right word to be said to me. Accepting the person to continue wrong-doing isn't of any help at all. -sigh- shaking the dust off my feet, Yeah I am going to wash my hands off the affair

Had little change of blog skin and tagboard. Nice? Went to meet up some friends and collected some stuff. Gosh we had offically received the red BOMB. That isn't a bad thing but after knowing who would be seating with us during the dinner, we went "ewww" at the same time (so bad and mean yea) I guess I am more excited towards my old pal's up coming ROM than this. Anyway they joined some game and won themselves the top prize cash travel voucher. Woo free travel for ROM honeymoon! Had a small chat and Mr. Yang was talking about ACCA when I told [ling] about UOL. SOmehow later, RMIT came to the topic. Anyway it's still quite a long while to talk about it now... ACCA? UOL?? RMIT...?

Heard granny been losing appetite. Suddenly the thought of her came. Still remember when I was P1 and didn't have any penny with me. She stood outside the fence and got me a snack during tea break. When I went to secondary, she climbed the hill to my school just to pass me my wallet. It was tedious to travel such a distance at her age. I didn't ask for it but she did it in fear that I might need the money. Physically couldn't be there 24/7, I wonder what could I do for her, yea just for her. Time is slipping every second... Take care granny...

2008-04-10T14:34:00.000+08:00

If you know me well enough you would know I am a person who dislikes confrontation (as in I having to confront others) Today I just did that and questioned someone's life "doctrine"

I really wonder why would people greed over what's not theirs? I mean, what's yours will be yours and by taking what's not yours, you would have to return back eventually, sometimes doubled of what you had taken. I remembered a Chinese proverbs that seems to go like this "taking without asking is the same as stealing" Even if the stuff are meant for you but without anyone telling you it's yours and took it is similar to stealing - a crime. There I was, not feeling angry but wanting to bring some disciplinary (right mentality) Oh well I failed terribly and oh boy did this person "hated" me; I would see it in the eyes. Honestly I am not bothered by it. It doesn't matter to me, anymore

Used to get angry and upset to the point where I was so angry that I utter not a word. Now is pure disappointment, I would never understand why some people lives' is all about getting instead of giving. No I don't mean just materialism. It can be anything. A friend once said this "I am sorry that I'm not there when you needed one" and my reply to her "then be there the next time when others need you" Sometimes we wants our friends to be there when we are down or needed help. But when they are in trouble, you are no where to be found. Sound familiar yea?

I remembered I wrote something when I was 13 in one of my school diary. It has got to do with getting and giving. It goes like this "everyone loves gifts... but if everyone have the mentality to just receive, how then, would one receive without anyone start giving?"

Love is about giving. Selfishness is about taking. Today you may have taken something from someone but eventually you would lose much more valuable things in life which money nor anything can buys, such as, Relationship and Trust

"love is found in the things given up rather than in the things that we have kept" ~Rich Mullins

2008-04-04T13:02:00.000+08:00

You are welcome more than welcome
To abide in this temple
To reside in this place
You are welcome more than welcome
Holy Spirit come and fill this place

We are gathering together
To worship at Your Throne
To exalt the Name of Jesus
To worship Him alone
He is worthy of our praises
So we lift our voices high
Spirit come Fill this place

Someone once said this to me "wow you are pretty hard working to go church every weekends" Is that a compliment or the other way?

Months ago I was pondering about the 'cost' we all have paid for being a follower. Have you ever counted yours? I still remembered the day I lost a closed friendship simply because I decided to reveal what I believe in. Sadden, sure of course but I did not regret at the decision I had made. Some asked me why do I still want or cling on to it since there are thousand and million issues with it. Hey... I don't know too. It's hard to explain I guess. LOVE... sometimes is unexplainable

The good ones and the bad ones, small or big, I have learnt from this verse "give thanks in all circumstances" No matter how bad or tough your circumstances maybe, surely there's a reason to give thanks for. Everyone learns from mistakes. Today's stumbling block can be your tomorrow stepping stones. All the circumstances and trials are meant to make us stronger, I reckon. And when we had overcome it, we could help those who are experiencing what we faced before. It takes a strong man to rejoice in the mist of storm. Could you imagine a life without much testing? Blend colorless nothing to learn at all... Remember, the beauty of life isn't in the success you owned but at your failure - how you overcame it all

I wrote this not just to remind myself when going through tough times but also because... the thoughts of some member whom I have been wondering how they are doing all these while. Burden, maybe I am. I may not have spoken much but this heart remains the same. The least I could do is to pray... What I know is this, a deep assurance from above, man may fail or even leaves you but Christ won't. He is always there, not to condemn but lift you up. He's always right beside us (omnipresence) 24/7

"In Christ in the vessels we can smile at the storm" I am still counting the 'cost'. I guess I would never know how to count it. No matter what had happened, He is worthy to be praise at all times and His love for me will never depreciate no matter how many wrong-doing I did. If there's a downpour, let me dance gracefully under the rain. If ever the sky drops from above, let it be my blanket at night to help me sleep tight. Rainbow only comes after heavy downpour. Out of dusk, a rainbow we will see... This, is the kind of person I am meant to be always =)

2008-03-17T13:09:00.000+08:00

Met [k] for a drink (mac small coke. it's a treat!) Soon after, [snowman] came to join us. Was chatting bit about [k]'s Thailand trip before [snowman] came. Talked a bit here and there (they) and [k] started to complain that I talked less than 10 short sentences %&$%, that it's really a DRINK only. Guess [snowman] she was quite pissed. I only asked for a drink only wor.. I did talk a bit mah.. tsktsk Then out of the BLUE someone text me saying she's getting married -.-" [snowman] said after svc she saw me walking up and down.. ha. soon she left for home since it's was a long day for us and both [k] and I left mac shortly too. Yea that small coke.. after an hour, there's 3/4 left still! [how to consume when I didn't eat anything the whole day, too gas-y lar]

Guess it was written all over my face.. don't know what to say and how to laugh.. In the end, the silly me broke down in tears *embarrassed* Tired indeed. Yep let it be the last one =) Had a light-hearted talk with [xx]. Lots of changes taking place. It's been tough, especially when the basic needs are not met. Comparing the 'old' and the 'now'... what a huge changed! Never really notice until someone said so.. Anyway it was a good talk (apart frm getting my ear pulled) Realised more things and working towards for the things to come. Life is just about to begin..

chocolate mixed with coffee.. I don't know how BUT I will strives to be a better one =)

So much to learn unlearn and relearn. Not only that, also to let go things that I can't keep and embrace what's there for me now. WOW sound deep yea 0.0 LIFE.. Huge deep word!

sometimes.... Being nagged is a sigh of blessing too =)

2008-02-29T10:13:00.000+08:00

Arrrrr.... Grrr.... testing one.. two.. three... alright, it's officially that I have lost my voice for the moment.. I wondered is it "post CNY syndrome" but then again, I lost weight, remembered? I didn't touch much of the yummy foods.. Oh well, I am down with fever, flu and bad throat inflection since weekend. It happened suddenly, caught me surprisingly! Floating in the air.. this is what I have been feeling the past few days. What a time to fall ill =(

February is coming to an end and tomorrow is the leap "day"~ Woo pretty happy that this month is over and new Month is approaching. It has been really quiet recently. "ello anyone out there?" If you happened to bum unto me on the street and I gave you that 'oh hi..bye" kind of tone, sorry. It's all because I am feeling tired and can't talk at all! All the ups and downs, finally it's over. . thank God He's been with me all these while, especially when the lonely days kicked in.

Hmm did I mention I don't really like MSN/Email etc before? Alright, Emails is okay but not so MSN. Don't really like the idea of having to multi-tasking while talking to people (especially when some can't multi-task that well) Nowadays my MSN is quiet like a mouse, so that's the reason why I hardly go online anymore. It doesn't serve it's purpose (to me) like it used to be...

2008-02-12T13:57:00.000+08:00

Hey I'm still here okay! Not gone but alive still =) Well most people been asking me how's my CNY.. hmm one word 'good' lor. Can't be I say 'bad' right? tsk tsk Overall it was okay, did had some fun and laughters, thanks to yours sincerely who tried to lighten up the atmosphere much more by being funny. Suppose to gain weight but I lost! *humph* Maybe the cookies aren't tempating enough. Went Far East and my goodness~ so many peeps! like some zoo never lock its' doors, all came out to do last min shopping!! Busy like a maid made in S'pore... cooking, washing.. cleaning.. everything!! Really 'wrap mountain - wrap sea' (bao san bao hai) phew~ so glad the long holiday is over

I'm a happy gal =) keke I am I am yea I am! yep yep blessed and I will always be *wink* Oh recently for a moment I got 'scared', all because people suddenly pop out of no where? Like [WL]! Walked past but each just gave that "OH!" look and continued walking. LOL! And yesh, at erm... traffic light?? didn't notice anything till felt strange. Turned around tata! saw [fq] stood there! Guess both were shocked to see each other. What a small small world. Haha seems like quite "Affiliated" with ____. *hee* funnie sweet suprise~

Hope you guys had a fun-filled cny =)

2008-01-22T12:18:00.000+08:00

Hey I'm back to clear the webs before more germs come in! eekz~ OkaY I know I haven't been blogging for nearly a month now. I shall roughly wrap up my January here then =)

Glad this month started pretty well for me. Blessed and more blessings to come. Just have to GrOw gRoW GROW!! (eh not milk power k) Spent time with family.. buying super early breakfast for them.. talked and shop with them.. yep a little tired at times but it's so good to be a blessing. Well well not that there aren't any bad news this month, there is! But I know this, when I couldn't change the situation, I have to change my attitude towards it =) Managed to hang around with friends also and talked about L.I.F.E. haa! Seem like people around my generations are talking about this 'topic', what an interesting thing to talk about L.I.F.E! heh I am keeping my mouth =x and finger cross.. and pray yea *bleah*

Hmm, Just want to say a big THANK YOU to those who sent sms-es to me over the weekends. Shan't mention names here.. I hope you know who you are.. leaders members & friends. Thank you so much! And yesh! Thanks for burger treat!! Thank you-thank you. The thoughts and thankfullness is sure bigger and full-er then the meal itself! Also, the gathering at town. Thanks for taking out time *wink*

Above all, I am happy that I can spent it in church, been always my wish to do that. haha the most nice-est and sweet-est thing to do, at least to me, spenting it away with the sweetest Person on earth. Most importantly, Thank You Daddy God! I mean you have given me the best-est gift yet for me this year. All the late-nights staying up is indeed worth more than anything else. Thank YOU *muack* =)

2007-12-24T14:27:00.000+08:00

There are so many things happening in such a fast speed that I almost couldn't have a bit of breathe! well bad thing does happen to good people. Sometime it set my heart to think, what's one's core value.. Some say love cost nothing, but I beg a diff.. I was pondering about this word "LOVE".. with many questions in mind..

why should I .... when my friend betrayed me?
why should I .... when my spouse treated me badly?
why should I .... when my parents beats me?
why should I .... when my sibling bullied me?
why should I .... when no one appreciates?

These were questions that people may often asked themselves when tough times hits. I have seen some just walked out because of bad environment. Love can be very vulnerable at times. People left 'cause they have been hurt, afraid of being hurt again. Just as I was wondering is it that hard, almost impossible to love again.. I remembered a man who went through a lot

he was ... mistaken by many
he was ... not welcomed by people
he was ... betrayed by his beloved disciple
he was ... blamed on a crime he never commit
he was ... crucified because of others' jealously

surely his agony is much more painful than mine. Yet despite of all the agony, he utter not a word but choose to continue to LOVE No agenda or even a second of anger to those who ill-treated him. WOW! What a great man with a great attitude. That's what unconditional love is all about, isn't it? No matter what happened, you would still choose love and stand by that person no matter what come may. If he as a man gone through the lowest of life still able to love people, I believe I can do it too. No matter what had or is happening, I know because of this man, I am able and will still be the ever caring, loving smiling gal =)

2007-11-27T15:33:00.000+08:00

Roarrr!! I missed my slim X280.. I mean Im never a fan of Samsung phones but that's the one and only phone I actually quite like.. It's been away for quite sometimes and well.. it's gone for good =( All my pictures and contacts in it are gone.. someone wana borrow so I passed it to someone in a good condition and today I found out that it's parts had became faulty to the extend of can't be repair.. and yea.. that someone left it at the repair center and kept me in the dark for a few weeks =\ Booom... dead cats have dead body to be found yet I don't even get to see X280 dead body..

bleah.. one phone gone.. =x

X280.. the one at the extreme left, flat screen.. I miss it.. most of all, the lost of a momorial picture took at SIS this year August.. =S

the past 4-5 days been a *bleah* weather for me.. eeyer I don't like the feel of being caught in between things, meaning, you want to get something done yet can't bring your heart to. yacky! gotta learn to be more harden now.. =x

Thankful, just when someone decided to get cranky on me, there's one I can call to 'complain'. haha. Thanks for opening 'doors' I doubt I want to distrub anyone, it aren't nice.. Well if only I am as 'strong hearted' as you, maybe I will do what I should. Yea One fine day I will!! (if it really go way beyond hands) Thanks [vic]!!

a.k. : oH! It was a sweet suprised yesterday - something I never expected. gone the old road we once walked, the playground we used to go (i miss that road) but hey hey~ happy to know the distance is shorter now and yes! sharing the same estate park! (though it's going to be a wk or so only) Thanks for the walk in the park.. the time spent. Appreciate it lots! It's exciting to know you owns a house of your own and yes, I truly believe with you that, you will own a car next yr and a condo soon too! (goodness sake, yea 6 mnths younger than u but need not tell me soon I will be at your curren age >.< )

Despite facing some cranky-ness frm someone which really turns my appetite off, I declare I am a happy gal tonight :) wee~ so happy to know my best friend is soon going to R.O.M. next year!! Woohooo! I am so thrill and joyous for them. Wanna know y? Hoho, cause I was the one kinda match-made them together! No, I dont unhow match-make.. lala~ Yup the one and only match-made I created and it's going so well. WOW 8 years of courtship.. back then.. we were just school gals and boys.. And the best is that Mr Hz wanna hold the ROM at the place they met - which is my ex-sch!! so sweet right? hee can't wait for that day to come.. to witness the vows.. their child, be the nanny.. opps i think too far le haa.. (oh.. im told to keep it to myself gosh =x)

2007-11-20T10:05:00.000+08:00

Dee Taaa Dii tA@ Taa..

woo cool freezing day! *hot Milo tasted much better under such weather!*

updates! eh did I ever mention those peeps I see daily are a bunch of funny wacky yet serious people?? Ha! Indeed I have yet met anyone like them!! First few days ms Bossy wasn't around, so her co-worker came and threw me 3 BIG THICK files and expect me to memorise the operations 0.o anyway this man is weird cause' he told me on my 1st day that everyone there are all 'siao siao' person (oh siao = crazy people), save it for the Director who aren't that crazy like they do. He's like superman - here at a minute yet gone at next second. Super duper on time to tell me 'hey it's time to knock off!' -.-"

People here are nice and super friendly. I kind of shift to the other side to work since my table is directly under the cold-condition. Hee I love that place, isolated and I can occasionally swing my chair from one corner to the other side when I am tired (cause everyone is at the other side!) Hmm there's this day when the air-condition aren't functioning well. Some came over trying to fixes it for me while I did my work. Soon, leaving the work undone everyone came in, including the Director, with one purpose, that's is to make sure I have air-con!! WOO right there I felt so blessed and a little overwhelm. I stood there wondering 'eh.. what should I do?' And they sure knows how to enjoy while working. They have snacks break like after lunch hour? Because of their tasty pancake, I gain weight! Like finally huh? So nice of them. Super sharing people, not in terms of food only but work also!

Yep they are indeed very nice, even the cleaning auntie is nice too! I got so caught up by work that I missed lunch hour and she knew. She offered to buy food for me but I declined it nicely, don't want her to run about.. she actually went over to the other side and made me a hot Milo with two biscuits. So sweet! I mean the person la, not Milo! Just what I needed! (milo i mean) =) indeed what kind of boss produce what kind of workers

I must admit, confession is good for the soul but not necessary at some places. Especially the place called "WORK place"

***Just when my ms bossy aren't around, ms [v] and I decided to do something really crazy. ms [v] went to my bossy's boss the Director's office and told her what we discuss.. some got decline.. I then told her something bad.. really bad truth.. while I walked out.. mumbering I said it's been a long time I last visit Suntec.. can I leave early? (of cos I kne cannot la.. just ended lunch.. ) After that I left to do my work. She came and said "just tell me what time you want to go yea" WOAH! I got shocked!! Haaa ms [v] and I was like 0.O anyway I didn't leave early, went on to do my work. Super nice Bossy's boss right?

***ps: dont try this at anywhere.. unless you want to know how fry sotong taste like

2007-11-13T12:08:00.000+08:00

VALUABLE or VULNERABLE??

Just what should a person do if ever he had such encounter when it got to do with value? hmm..

Calvin and Kelvin were good friends. They talked, laught, joked almost anything and everything under the sun. In their heart, they knew each other and they were closed friends. They value each other highly. Years later, due to some bad experiences they faced, the friendship drafted far apart. Though they hardly talk but somehow they wished things could turn around good for them again. Few months passed and they met at a local pub with some other friends too. Kelvin made a statement that some how makes Calvin bit puzzled. Kelvin said this to one of the friend, "...you are the closest to me now... yea.. almost the closest to me right now" Calvin felt a little disappointed then, knowing someone had 'replaced' him but blame no one but himself to allow 'void' to come into the friendship. Morever, they hardly spend quality time now.. some how Calvin learnt a lesson, people's value changes faster than weather.. how then, should Calvin do to 'gain' back his friend again or is it too late?? by spenting more time with someone indeed will strengthen bonds huh??

BUT..

seng has always been the 'apple' in chan's eyes for many years. One day, seng decided to leave chan for some unknown reason. jia knew about the reason but because of her love for chan, jia kept it to herself and endlessly showering love towards chan. Some how, chan don't really appreciate it as in chan's heart, there's only seng in it. For many years, jia kept sowing but did not reap a good harvest at all. All this while, jia was the one who stayed by chan's side. Sometimes jia wonder " should I continue to 'win' favor from chan, knowing that chan will only favour seng? all the sowing, is it worthwhile? No matter what I do, chan's heart will always be at seng's side no matter what seng did, isn't it?"

replaced and irreplacabled.. time.. don't seem to be the solution for situation B but is part of the cause for situation A. Somehow by spenting time with someone.. yes, it does help to build bonds yet not really happening in situation B yea? so complicated!! =\ well one may not know all the solution but surely if one is willing to lower themself in situation x, talk and most importantly, hand it up to His hands, I believe thing will work out good

2007-10-08T12:33:00.000+08:00

eh been 'learning' discovering new things. hmm maybe I should say re-learnt what was taught before

one thing that may sadden people is this, often heard it from drama show "I'm here right before your eyes yet you can't see me" or even this "i don't seem to know this person who's standing in-front of me, though we knew each other for years - familiar stranger"

I went through it before. Because there's lack of communication, the whole relationship breaks down. You won't know what happened or feel the concern of the other party, perhaps only when mishap occurred but won't it be too late? A Gd eg is my neighbour. Hardly talk much, the next moment, he's wheel-bounded.

hmm i think in any relationship, friendship etc or even parenthood, communication is extremely important. Whether you will have a hot crispy relationship like apple pie or cool cold one like dry ices that can bites to your skin lies in that key. Those relationships that we hold on to, isn't it all about creating moments? Moments need closeness and proximity to begin with. Thank God for things like msn, sms, emails - they are good tools to enhance the process (especially when one is oversea), yet they can't be the main dish; they can only be complement along the main one. the main dish is one-on-one meet ups (even meeting up in small grp). hee foodie for thought yeahz..

2007-09-13T14:13:00.000+08:00

was talking & asking God something.. needed not words alone but something that's real... HE bought me back to a real experienced...

It was X-country day. Being a friend of top school runner, this time I decided not to just complete the race (everyone got to do it) but be one of the top runners in my House too. Not just to bring the House which i presented proud but to glorify Him. I had a goal. "Bang" the gun sounded, I ran with a reminder that I can't use all my energy. The journey is long & I just started the race. At about 3/4 of the race, I started to feel restless, hard to breathe.. simply no more strength to go on anymore. But a voice kept speaking to me, "don't u want to glorify Him? just 1 more step.. 1 step @ a time, keep on keeping on!" So with that, I kept on pursuing my dream. "1 more step" I kept telling myself. Every step seem heavy BUT I kept dragging myself on. Last 300m... steps getting slower & slower. Here came my teacher saying this to me, "c'mon.. it's finishing. c'mon, YOU CAN DO IT" Hearing that, I ran with all my might to the finishing line. Unlike sport day where everyone knows who's the top 3. I do not know my position till the ceremony began but this I told myself, I had tried my very best. 11th my position in the House

"a step @ a time" HE said. How true, a man plans but it's the LORD who direct his steps. 1 step to another 1 step & to another step, it led to Perseverance & with that, it helped me to the finishing line. when I almost give ways when reaching, here someone who had always believed in me for 3yrs came (since sec I) It's important to have someone who's not only encourage u but truly believe in u, sees your great potential & abilities to achieve greatness. That's not all. My teacher even ran with me the last 300m & cheered me till I finished! WOW

when man says "no, she can't.. the rest can but her.. emm.." HE never waver His faith in me, still believe & sees the best in me. A step at a time. Be forcus!! bit by bit, step by step, I'll get there! When no ones seem to cheer u on, freak not. HE is and will always be yours and my bestie cheer-leader!! That's not all, HE will even run with u till the very end!!

2007-09-07T12:30:00.000+08:00

wee~ an-gel is a happy gal *yippie* okies here I am to share my wordy long tiring- yet smiling weekends

firstly, am got a pleasant surprised on sat. was online-ing and am got asked am I graduating from CCF. For once, I thought "what's that huh" Later realised am graduating. Didn't really pay much attention to that news because am not inform anything at all (till am got asked), and I thought that might be a bluff! or that am might not be the one. anyway I did! Long waited one.. well I always thot that I've yet completed. lol~ of cos can't compare to SOT grad la but still, I GrAD le *hur hur*

Sunday went to Changi AirPork and celebrated member's 21st birthday. Quite interesting though. Imaging eating home-cooked curry chick while seeing planes flying. Anyway birthday boy kinda got sabo by his lovely cellmates. I laughed big time at the b'day boy after his last station - a special drink served by yours sincerely (eh I did pray he won't get FP la) anyway he was touched by what we did for him. It was so nice of him to zoom in and affirmed everyone. A very nice brother, no wonder he is so well-liked by us! Well when he was sharing, I almost passed him toilet roll 'cause there's tears in his eyes!! (I stood beside him mah, so I kne lo) Happy Birthday JW!! ( praying in tongue* $%^&%! he wont kill me after seeing this post)

was looking for gifts Went around and saw something that I really desire to have. Was hesitating whether to buy or not? Should I keep it for myself instead? Anyway decided to buy it (2nd time buying things that I love to behold but gave to my fren instead) praying that they will be blessed (believing tat one day I'll reaP what I sOw hee) Well I want to thank God for guiding me to get that gift for my frens 'cos one of them been eyeing it & I gave it away~ glad to have the chance to bless and be blessed in return by the sms I received. Was grinning ear to ear to know my frenship, my love have blessed and touched someone's life =)

Oh just another blessing =)
upon reaching home on SAT, I got a shocked. There's a wide & slim TV in my room!! Woohoo~ if only there's world cup now.. that I have SCV.. hmm, guess what?! Next year there's Olympic!~!~! *grin*

2007-08-26T04:20:00.000+08:00

last wk after purchasing my stuff, head towards a near-by hawker center for dinner. Ordered a coke (eh not a fan of it) while waiting having my meal..

there I was consuming my drink and here came an old lady. nothing unusual, an old weak with many white hairs granny. She came to me asking for my coke can. As there's still 3/4 of water, I gentle said to her there's still water. So I happily head back to eat my meal. After a while I realised that old granny stood behind me! (k i felt weird & uncomfortable at that moment) once again, I told her politely that I have yet finish the drink and will pass her my can when I'm done (i wanted to empty the can but my cup is filled) She nodded and left with a very disappointed look on her face. Cut the story short, she walked one round and came back to me and I passed her the can. She said 'thanks' and I smiled =)

As I saw her walked out, something touched me deeply. Just a can - to many is nothing yet it's her livelihood. Others who also collect cans may say "aiya just one lesser, it's okay" but not to her. She waited and waited just for my can before she head home. Quietly patiently waited behind me, even walked one round with hope to get the can. To me, she display more than just waiting, it's true humility.. faith, meekness, perseverance. What seem nothing to us means something to her, she sees the value in it, thus waited till she got it. I could see the joy in her eyes when I passed her the can

makes me ponder. could I see the value what others regards as 'useless'? would I be like them saying 'ah its okay to miss once.. oh~ no big deal whether we do it or get it anot" or would I have an attitude that say "no, I'll never stop trying till my last breathe"? It's one thing to know its value and be still 'bout it and the other thing to pursuit it b'cos of its value.

thank you lord. yes i know the value of the things that's in your hand. I'll perserve b'cos I know how much it worth =)

2007-08-25T14:11:00.000+08:00

it's amazing how I can keep mute for so long, after all.. it mean much to me.. so much.. so much

I love my frends, they are so precious to me but I'm not an artist, aren't able to make it flowery. I'm not those kind who will buy flowers to tease or use it to show the length of my affection. Don't really know how to sweet-talk, don't really know how to love much. One thing I know. When I know they need my help, I'll be there. I'll buy panado for them when they aren't well, gladly share my all when they're in need. Walk behind them when they're alone at the beach... only for my close friends. whether they appreciate a not, doesn't really matters. Reason unknown. naturally I will do it. They're very much like my family. They're the one whom I share my ups & downs, get to see the kidish side of me, my joy, tears, my life.

Believe in sincerity & i'm one to my frens always. truth & trust is very impt to me cos I trust my frens & wish my fren will do likewise too. my primary foundation of relationship..

reason y I post this is b'cos I've lost something dearly. I'm upset 'cos I have no clue how to turn thing around back to original place, don't wanna lose it just like that.. to the Master's hands, wont wanna touch on it anymore. u know who u r.. i wan to say I really duno how to gain things back, how to restart the whole thing. i kne i've lost the things that's in your hands. am apologise for it.. i am who i am, from beginning till now, in-front of u & behind u.. believe or not..

on a brighter note, i'm glad there's one who will be with me through out all seasons. loving and so willingly accepting me for who I really am. My God is always walking beside me and yes, till the very end =)

2007-01-30T22:56:00.000+08:00

Balancing - Putting First Thing First

It's been quite a while since I last blog. Was pretty busy to come and update...

Have been returning home pretty late recently. I feel that I am so busy with the activities around me that I don't really spend much time communciating with my family. To make things worse was I came back home late. Feel rather quite bad and guilty about it that sometimes I made them stay up late at night and worried whenever I returned home late. I really didn't mean to let them worried about me. I guess I really need to set aside some of my agenda so that I won't neglect them

Talk about the word 'neglect' - I guess no one want to be neglected in one way or another. And I realized that all this while, I have 'neglected' some people around me, especially those that I love and those that loves and cares for me too. I hardly call and ask how are they, what have they been doing etc. Even though I remembered for example when would be their exams and had the thoughts of texting them my regards, asking them how's their preparation but it's just merely thoughts and not actions. Felt rather bad that all along I didn't really pay much attention to those people that's been talking to me. Now I learnt that I must talk to them not only about matters that need to be attend to, about work but also to let them know I am interested in their lives - about their coming and going (just like how Jesus interested in my entire life), sharing my everything (songs, games, jokes) with those people whom I cherish. It's all boils down to my heart. If I truly love them, I would give them what they want and not what I want them to have. Words are cheap. So I must learn to be a gal that is more towards action and less of words. Indeed, I need to let them know how much I appreciate them, not only by words alone but by actions too. Letting them know their presence makes a difference in my life and that I really love them lots.

It's been 3 weeks since school has started. And guess what? This semster is soon coming to an end too (in march). Well, have been diving and trying to digest as much as I could during lectures, tutorials and during my break too. In-course assignments and exams are around the corner, so is presentation. Am ask to present a topic that have yet taught. Have yet really do the research and pre read up that topic. Oh yea, I got back my results for last semster. Thank God I cleared my papers!

New semster mark another brand new journay for me. New classmates, new lecturers, new module to take, new leaders, new members, new church location... brand new level of walk with the LORD... some say changes are good, some disagree. whatever it is, I am going to leave it to Him and trust God in a greater measure of faith that everywhere I go, whatever I do, things would prosper and produce good and right results at the right moment of time. Am going to work hard, study real hard and pray hard too. The year is coming to an end soon. It's good to start well in the beginning. Every runner runs their best when the race began but how many would make it to the top and finish the race?

I want to end this year right - that I am in a much closer relationship with the LORD and have a clearer picture of His Characters. I know Making God my Primary Pursuit and Abundance Will Surely Follow. "But seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33 NKJV). No matter what level of excellence I have reached at this moment, there is always another level, a higher road. I can always improve and become better; no one have arrived. That is why excellence, which is nothing more than the continual pursuit of improvement, must always be at the forefront of my mind. I must live with the thought pattern of always getting better, always multiplying, always becoming more effective. The proof of desire is pursuit. Excellence is a reality to live in every moment of every day. It isn't something we camp-out at for a while, it is something I must continually seek after and pursue. Whatever I lack in life can be traced back to this one thing: I am unwilling to pay the price to achieve it. I will never obtain what I am unwilling to invest my time and energy into. If I truly desire something, I will pursue it. If I don't go after it, it is safe to say I really don't want it. I will never forget, heaven will always reward my pursuit!

What's my pursuit?

"One Thing I have desired of the LORD, that I will Seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD. All the days of life, to behold the inquire in His temple. For in the time of trouble. He shall hides me in His tabernacle. He shall hides me; He shall set me high upon a rock..." Psalm 27:4-5

I need to have a balance life - God, family, church, work, school and ministry. I need to set my forcus right - putting the first thing first. Learning to let God be the center of my life in everything I do. So many things to do, so little time... Stress? Jesus is my Prince of Peace! Holy Spirit is my comforter!! I am not going to complain nor scream at the things around me. Complaining means the level of capacity is not high enough to handle those things around that's why people complained. So now I am going to increase my level of capacity! What I want now is simply to be and stay in God's presence. Suddenly this song rings in my heart. Every word means so much and it really kind of speak out what my heart wanna say and I really wanna sing out loud to my beloved Lord.

once i have turn my face from Thee
yet You sought me and You cleasen me
make me whole again
Jesus my Savior My Beloved and Friend
Your praises I bring from my heart I'll sing

You're the Shepherd of my heart
You've brought me to your charmber my Master and King
You light up my darkness and you gave me your word
That you never forsake me nor no ever leave me

Draw me Oh draw me away Messiah Today
To Your presence to stay
Oh Jesus now change me and mould me
That I can be ever more true to Thee

It's my heart beat, my heart deepest cry to be more truthful, sincere, obedience, sensitive, thoughtful towards my Lord Jesus Christ... and the people around me