Monday, September 07, 2009
Let it go...it's been so long since I last blogged. Partly was because too busy, main reason is that I do not know what to update. Life's still good; hope it's the same for you guys who read my blogTrue, something did happen and turned my life upside down for a season. Made a decision that sort-of shocked few people. My reputation was ruined, many came question-ing me without knowing anything. Then followed by some drama-kind of incident that made me couldn't attend Bible Conference back then. It of no wonder I teared much during that conference, it's a lil' too much for me to bear and handled. This whole series of incident, swept me off completely, whether is it mentally, emotionally.. even spirituallyRemember when I was much younger, teachers, friends and church elders often gave me some 'pass-it-on' cards with messages written behind. Very often, those messages carried the same meaning, though with different verses. I got very puzzled, don't understand what they want to tells me. I was only 13 back then. Often I went to them with lots of questions. They looked at me, said nothing and pat my head. Some would gave me a hug instead. I was just a teen, what do I know? They took me out after school hours, understood my silent. As I grew older, more things came. Friends stood by, lend a shoulder for my tired soul and told me to be strong. Yes, the adults said I was strong when I was a just a teen. I don't understand what they meant by thatThen more and more thing added.. someone told me a story about bus-stop.. Regardless who's that person, whether friends, relationships, relatives, siblings or parents, they too will leave one day. I'm 24 this year. Seen quite a few broke-ups in friends' relationship, attended a few funeral before.. Most didn't affect me much except a friend's mum passed away. .People been coming up to me, asking would I regret for my decision one day. Someone even asked would I tell the truth if CI506 progress.. Yes I said. Maybe I sounded cruel and yes they do know I had to. End of the day, it's hard to reveal what's within when it comes to the heart's matter. Last Sunday I got an update of things. I had mixed feeling after hearing it. What should my respond be when hearing someone I missed and love don't seem to do well and is showing 'signs' of 'leaving'? I heard they said, "well she's old already.." I know.. still this heart of mine aren't prepare for such day to comeLet it go.. so that you can move on. just.. let go..Day by day, I'm telling myself to let things go, that this too will passed. I have changed. So much so that I struggled within. No Worries. I am still fine. Thank you for your concern.. whose who called, who msn me previously asking how was I.At this point in life, though there are many ups and downs, I am feeling glad and contend. It's because at least I have a God who understood how I felt and what I went through all these months. Though I still do not have the answers I asked, He's is the only one who saw me through this darkest period in my life. Have you seen Him cried before? I did."... be of good cheer... my child"after thanking the 'elders' who stood by me, i guess I've yet to send out my utmost gratitude to you. without you by my side, I wouldn't have make it this far. They say I am strong but they didn't see the arrows that fly through the heart day & nites. They saw how I fought but didn't know the warrior came home full of blood crying. All these years, you held my hands and taught me how to fight. You guarded my heart with your love, else I would have been dead long ago. You walked with me and gave me the principles of life. I vividly remembered there's a year you didn't speak a word but just embraced me in your arms. Was it because.. you had long foresee such a day to come? I am sorry, my love, that I bought much tears to your eyes. I know it hurts you just like it's hurting me. I know I am not really the lil' gal whom you saw years back. I have grown. I left.. you knew it wasn't easy. You knew and you saw every scene.. how the bus-stop story came to play. How a simple dream broken right in-front of our eyes. Thank you for giving me the courage to move on, the strength to keep fighting, your love to sustain my life. All in all, thank you for exchanging yourself to have me by your side. I saw how you fought for me, my life and rights. Thank You for allowing me to be part of your family. For all these years you had done and still doing.. Abba, thank you..
an-gel wished upon the stars at 8:18 PM
