Tuesday, September 09, 2008
"I despaired at the thought of my life passing me by without seeing God move mightily on my behalf"
Because I miss some things, some people so much it hurts sometimes, the old and 'familiar' still stretches out its arm to caress my memories. In these awkward moments, I'd beat myself up inside and wondered why.. why am I in this strange and unfamiliar place feeling bit uncomfortable
If I don't keep my eyes on you, oh god, if I can't keep my eyes on you, how am I ever going to get through this?
I wonder, If I'll ever start to care for less, contend for less, and settle for very very little of God in my life. Ever so often, in moments where the heart starts to wander, mind starts to drift, or when settling into days of dry, godless spells, I sit very still to feel the long stretched out emptiness. I marvel at how loud the silence of a godless void can get. And then I marvel again how fast one can shift from a bubble of intimacy into a dangerous contention of nothingness. Faith, Determination is very important. It keeps me alive. It keeps me going. It keeps me smiling. And, it keeps me awake with laughter and love. I fear for the day when something big crashes on me and I respond unfavourably and just let it all go, cease to be strong
an-gel wished upon the stars at 3:03 AM
